Our culture, in which conversations about sex are a taboo, leads to the emergence of a huge number of problematic situations that could easily be avoided by simply talking about them beforehand. One such situation is virginity. Why is it important to inform a guy about this in advance and how to do it if the thought of discussing sex makes your hair stand on end out of fear?
Why is this important?
The "first time" often seriously influences subsequent attitudes towards sex, so it makes sense to make efforts to ensure that this experience is as pleasant and memorable in a positive sense as possible. Unfortunately, it is impossible to make it that way without words. The situation where two people miraculously find themselves "on the same wavelength" usually characterizes movies and romance novels, and in real life — at most for couples who have already well studied each other's bodies (and thoroughly discussed the details). The partner should know that you will need special care.
The "first time" (and often subsequent ones) requires certain psychological and physical preparation — tension and expectation of something specific that one of you has read/seen will only complicate the situation. It is important for both the guy and you to give yourselves time for this — and not think that the inconsistency of what is happening with the sex shown to us in movies/porn is a problem. A picture is a picture, but life is life.
When starting a sexual life, you want your partner, with whom this is happening, to share with you the significance of this moment. By not informing him in advance about your emotions and desires, you risk not receiving from him the attitude and specific actions that you would like. And even if the first sexual experience does not have sacred meaning for you, from a purely practical point of view, it makes sense to inform him that it will be your first.
How to do this? If you feel scared, ashamed, or awkward — start by expressing how you feel. And say everything that seems important to you (even what doesn't seem that way can be voiced too). It’s highly desirable to have a place for this conversation where you won’t be disturbed, and enough time. Before the conversation, you can make a "cheat sheet," noting what exactly you would like to say, or write a detailed text — even in the format of a letter to yourself at first. The main thing is to formulate everything for yourself and voice it to the guy. An attentive partner who respects your state and needs won’t abuse your trust.
What to do if the guy reacted poorly to this information?
Think twice or thrice about whether you want him to be your first partner. Emotional closeness and mutual understanding between partners directly affect the quality of sex. If a person reacts to the fact that you haven’t started a sexual life yet without due attention and respect, with disdain or even mockery, he definitely cannot provide you with a worthy start. And you have every right to that. Fear of your partner is a feeling that should not exist in your relationship.
Moreover, it is very important to remember that pregnancy and transmission of STIs are possible during the first sex just as with all subsequent ones, so don’t forget about condoms! If the guy refuses (in any form) — you need to think twice or thrice about whether you want him to be your first partner.
