The young man you just met has been suspiciously often appearing before you in various places, somehow learned your phone number, home address, and periodically leaves you notes or gifts in your mailbox? Is this a manifestation of care and sweet courting? Bad news — this is stalking and you probably should not start a romantic relationship with this person.
What does "stalker" mean?
Stalking or harassment is unwanted and intrusive attention from one person to another. It often takes the form of actions that are not crimes in themselves but grossly violate personal boundaries: phone calls, letters, and gifts, frequent "accidental" meetings in public places. In one way or another, stalking is aimed at demonstrating power over the victim and instilling fear. For example, flowers left on the doorstep show that the stalker knows where the object of their desire lives.
How common is stalking?
In the United States alone, 6.6 million people experience stalking. In many countries, there is a legal framework that allows for the protection of the stalking victim and, if necessary, to bring legal charges against the stalker.
— The most common victims of male stalkers are women (63%)
— 46% of stalkers visit their victims at least once a week
— 78% of stalkers use more than one "method" of stalking
— Over 60% of stalkers resume stalking their victim or find another after stopping for some reason
What can be considered harassment?
Harassment is repeated actions that provoke a sense of fear in the victim. The stalker can be an acquaintance or a complete stranger.
The most common manifestations of stalking:
— Appearing at your home, work, or school without invitation and without valid reasons;
— Sending unwanted messages and letters;
— Unwanted gifts and flowers;
— Constant calls that end with the call being interrupted or silence on the line;
— Monitoring your life on social media;
— Spreading rumors among your acquaintances;
— Lurking in places where you often go;
— Using your friends and acquaintances to find out details about your life.
What to do if you have become a victim of harassment?
Many victims do not know how to react to a stalker. Some try to talk to the stalker and "hint" or "friendly" persuade them to stop such behavior. Others convince themselves that there is nothing wrong with the stalker's behavior and that it is "not that bad." Others try to confront or even threaten the stalker. These methods rarely work because stalkers welcome any contact with the victim, even if the overall message is negative.
The victim cannot predict the stalker's actions, but can develop their own line of behavior that will help them feel safe. Personal safety and preventing possible harm should be the top priority. Victims can develop a safety plan that will protect them and their loved ones from stalking.
General safety tips:
If possible, always keep your phone close. Remember emergency service numbers and make sure someone from your family or friends is on your speed dial.
Change routes for regularly visiting necessary points in the city. Limit the time spent alone and shop at different stores.
When you leave your home, try not to be alone and choose public places.
Get a new phone number.
Do not engage with the person who is stalking you. Reacting to the stalker's actions can only escalate the situation.
Trust your instincts. If you feel unsafe somewhere, either find ways to make that place safer or leave.
Home safety rules:
Install sturdy doors, keys to which will only be with you.
Ask your neighbors to call the police if they see the stalker at your home. Agree on a signal that you will use if you need to urgently call the police.
Pack a bag with essential items in case you need to leave your apartment urgently. Store the bag in a safe place or give it to a friend or relative whom you trust.
