How to talk to your partner about sex!?

Sex is not always the perfect complement to one another. Desires change, just like moods. Today you want one thing, tomorrow — another. And mankind still cannot read minds. Instead of guessing — talk.

1. Stop being shy

We are shy to talk about sex and our preferences. We are afraid that we won’t be understood or that we will seem strange. For many, talking about sex is a taboo learned since childhood. For others, sex is a very personal matter, and it is extremely difficult to talk about it. Therefore, the first thing to do to start a conversation is to throw away the shyness.

Talking about sex, as well as engaging in it, is not shameful.

To overcome shyness, start the conversation with slightly distant things: did you like it or not, what exactly did you like. Don’t be afraid to say "I want." Do not forget about desires during sex. It is much easier to talk during the process because at that moment you do not feel shy — the brain is absorbed in other things. So start voicing your desires while having sex and don’t forget to compliment and have a light discussion afterwards.

2. Speak directly

Another major mistake is trying to explain what you want through hints. Firstly, few people understand hints. Secondly, a person may interpret a hint completely differently. Thirdly, beating around the bush only creates misunderstandings.

Let’s give an example of two dialogue options.

In the first case, the partner does not understand what to do, and the desire fades. The dialogue leads to an argument and mutual dissatisfaction. In the second — it bears fruit and leads to mutual pleasure.

Understand that the partner also enjoys it if you are feeling good. Sex is not a one-way street.

So speak directly. If you are afraid to voice your deepest desires, start with short statements: "softer," "gentler," "faster," "slower."

3. Think about desires and preferences

A common problem: a person does not know what they want or love. If you are not ready for experiments, think about what you like from the classic set. Ask yourself a few questions.

1. What specific foreplay do you like?
2. What positions do you prefer?
3. Why these positions?
4. What do you dream about?
5. When you think about sex, what positions or touches do you imagine?

Most often, our brain in dreams, sexual fantasies, or erotic dreams gives hints about our preferences or hidden desires.

If you understand what exactly you want, it will be much easier to voice it.

4. Find out what the partner wants

This is the simplest part. To learn about your partner's preferences, it is not always necessary to talk. Observe them during sex. And no, this does not mean that you need to look with all your eyes. Try, experiment, let your imagination run wild and remember.

Start with foreplay, pay attention to what actions bring the greatest pleasure. It’s not difficult to understand: by sounds, breathing, movements, and even requests.

After sex, remember what you liked the most, which positions the partner prefers.

The next step will be the conversation. Ask if they like this or that, if they enjoy doing, for example, cunnilingus and if they like oral sex, and if so, which type. Don’t forget to ask about positions.

Next, you should move on to fantasies. Perhaps it’s time to try simple sex toys or role-playing games. Or have sex not on the usual bed, but at least in the kitchen, hallway, or bathroom.

5. When to talk about sex

Every conversation has its place and time.

If you voice immediate desires that improve the process and bring you closer to the peak of pleasure — "faster," "slower," "softer," and so on, — then this should be said during sex.

Imagine the situation: you finish, and then say that you would have preferred it to be softer and slower. First, the partner may be offended that you didn’t say it during the process. Secondly, they will remember and do it next time the way you wanted. But desires can change: yesterday you wanted tenderness, and today you dream of passionate rough sex.

Another matter is the subsequent discussion of what you liked. You can compliment, say that you appreciated a particular position or movement. Talking about this during the process doesn’t make sense, as it can break the rhythm and it will seem that instead of having sex you are discussing it.

A third option is a conversation about deep desires and fantasies. An open conversation about sex gets one excited no less than foreplay. This is the first argument. The second — to realize fantasies sometimes requires preparation: moral or material.

For example, you decided to try a role-playing game with simple attributes: blindfolding, handcuffs, or tied wrists. But to start, you need to be ready for the fact that you will be at the partner’s mercy. Secondly, the necessary tape, scarf, or blindfold may not be in your home. Accordingly, it should be discussed before the process, rather than frantically searching for inventory during or regretting afterwards.

6. How not to offend and not overdo it

Here are a few simple rules.

Don’t look for the negative, only note the good

Exception: if you are in pain or uncomfortable. In this case, you won’t offend but will avoid problems. In other cases, discussing negativity will lead to nothing good. But if you voice what was good, next time will be even better because your desires will be known.

Don’t try to talk too much during sex

Yes, you can guide or indicate. The main thing — don’t turn sex into a morning chat with a cup of coffee and a newspaper or take on the role of a teacher to an inexperienced student. In the first case, you will be talking more than doing. In the second — you will make your partner feel awkward as if they can’t do anything. This will negatively impact their self-esteem, and it’s unlikely they will want to repeat it anytime soon, if at all.

Remember that sex is a mutual pleasure

Agree that it feels nice to be wanted and to know that you can bring pleasure. So don’t be afraid to discuss — and the process will become not mundane like tooth brushing, but something pleasant to think about and remember.

Conclusion

So, let’s repeat the steps.

1. Forget about shyness.
2. Speak directly.
3. Think about what you want.
4. Find out what the partner wants.
5. Choose the right moment.
6. Talk about the good.

Good luck and mutual enjoyment!