Stay Ahead of Porn
Most teenagers today are familiar with pornography and use such content to try to understand what sex is. It is obvious that both videos and photos provide a very distorted view of what sex is really like. Guys with perfect abs and huge penises; girls who get excited at the drop of a hat and agree to everything right away…
Undoubtedly, it is impossible to shield your child from porn, but you can be a few steps ahead and explain that porn and real sex relate roughly like a Hollywood blockbuster to reality.
Talk About Virtual Sex
Virtual sex (through messaging, in photo or video format) is an aspect that needs to be discussed further. Apparently, it is much easier to coerce girls into virtual sex than boys.
The findings of a study published in Computers in Human Behavior in 2015 indicate that coercive virtual sex inflicts a psychological trauma on girls as severe as that resulting from coercive sex in real life. It takes a long time to heal and brings about a profound sense of despair and disappointment.
Boys need to understand: even mild coercion into such sex is still coercion. Girls need to know about the emotional consequences that may arise if their explicit photo becomes publicly available.
Decide on Body Part Names
Parents should help teenagers (especially girls) develop a sense of ownership over their bodies. This can be achieved by learning what the intimate body parts are called. Use anatomically correct terms. For some reason, it is much easier for most parents to learn these words with boys, while with girls it tends to be much more difficult. However, you don't have to give a complicated and pompous lecture on this topic. Just say, “You know, this thing here is called the clitoris; it is designed for pleasurable sensations.”
Is it difficult? That can happen too: both parents and children can be reserved and self-conscious. No worries, consult books or internet sources with adequate and well-presented information.
Prepare for the Conversation
Even though the conversation about sex should appear casual and simple, you need to prepare for it.
The child should not catch you off guard with their questions. Read books on the topic, look at an atlas of human anatomy yourself, so that even when faced with the most awkward question, you can mentally refer back to your acquired knowledge base. As the child grows up, they will start asking you about this or that aspect in a somewhat metaphorical way.
You should find a good way to initiate the conversation about sex yourself, making sure it's done in such a way that the teenager doesn't want to sink into the ground from embarrassment.
The best outcome of the conversation would be explaining to the teenager that sex is not an area where one should test oneself, prove one's worth, or assert oneself. People have sex for mutual pleasure. In sex, there are no standards for performing various actions; a person learns everything gradually.
A Friend’s Help
If you are unsure about how to start a conversation on a particular topic, pretend to be asking for advice for a friend. For example, say, “A friend of mine doesn't know how to talk to their child of your age about <тема>. What do you think is the best way to start?”
If you say this in the right tone and with a casual intonation, such a maneuver can be very effective. Moreover, you can actually call upon someone you trust greatly to address such conversations about sexuality.
About Contraception
The importance of safe sex is constantly reiterated from all sides. But this absolutely does not mean you can overlook this aspect. Be sure to talk to your child about what contraception is and why it is needed. Avoid abstract scare tactics like, “Well, one boy didn’t wear a condom and…” It’s better to explain with clear examples how contraceptives work and what they protect against.
I think it is very important to explain to the teenager the necessity of contraception. The relevance of this topic cannot be overstated, considering the HIV epidemic in the country. The teenager needs to understand that having sex with a new partner without a condom is extremely risky, even if the partner is well known. No arguments in favor of unprotected sex should be seen as justification for agreeing to it. Yes, a condom may be perceived as something unromantic and inconvenient, but only until one gets used to it. The consequences of unprotected sex can complicate life significantly.
Encourage the Child to Think
If a teenager starts pondering about their first sexual experience coming up, ask what they expect from their first time.
Explain that they might orgasm or not, and the same goes for their partner. Discuss how comfortable it will be for them to express what they want and what they do not want to do. Even if the teenager may not be able to answer these questions out loud, they should think through these aspects themselves. This is what determines their readiness for sex, as well as emotional and physical responsibility.
If the teenager feels that they are not ready, that is also normal. Tell your child that people mature and grow at different ages.
For example, if a girl at 16 has all her friends already tried it, and she doesn't feel ready, then she needs to wait. It’s good if the girl can receive calm understanding and support from her parents.
Sex is Not Just a Sexual Act
Make sure the teenager understands that sex is a complex concept that includes various activities, not just the act of intercourse itself. There are many ways to explore sexuality, but none of them should involve coercion. Children should know that intercourse does not happen because one partner is stronger than the other. No one can be forced to have sex.
