1. Speak directly
Playing a guessing game in bed usually ends in failure, or even disappointment. Therefore, it's better to express your preferences directly and without embarrassment.
For example, start with what you like in your sexual life and then suggest a new idea for improvement.
Another option is to express your pleasure from your partner's correct actions directly during sex. Positive reinforcement works flawlessly.
2. Take action
Actions are more vivid than words. So take the risk to demonstrate your desire to your partner.
The first way is to show exactly how you like it. Try to kiss your partner the way you want, and then ask them to repeat. Or take their hand and guide it in the right direction. Try to show approval or pleasure at that moment — this will affirm to your partner that these actions should be included in your sexual routine.
The second way is to show your sexual fantasy, but do it not too seriously.
As a rule, what you can laugh about together causes less embarrassment later.
Let's say you want to try a role play about being rescued from a fire. Detailed explanations of how everything looks in your head will only increase the pressure on your partner. And most likely, will not lead to the expected conclusion.
As a humorous alternative (option for women), wear sexy lingerie, a firefighter’s helmet (a fire extinguisher can also work), play a video with a campfire, and shyly ask your partner: "Is there a fire here?". It sounds silly, but this way you will reduce the tension and share your fantasy without too many words.
3. Engage in sexual education
The best way not only to tell your partner more about your desires but also to learn something new is to educate yourself. A good joint practice in this case is reading books.
To start, you can choose a read that reflects your sexual interests so that your partner learns more about the subject, or find a universal guide that touches on various aspects of sex. Make it a habit to read a couple of chapters together before bed, and then discuss what you've read. This way, you will not only diversify your intimate life but also gain a new shared hobby.
You can find a suitable book on your own or start with one of these:
- “Yes! Secrets of Love for Two,” Mantak Chia, Rachel Abrams, Douglas Abrams.
- “The Bible of Sex,” Paul Joanidis.
- “Enlightened Sex. Something Completely Different,” David Deida.
- “How to Be a Great Lover,” Lou Paget.
- “How to Give Her Absolute Pleasure,” Lou Paget.
4. Test a lighter version of your desire
If you fear that your fantasy might seem too extreme to your partner, try to gauge the ground first.
Dreaming of BDSM? Don't jump straight into a latex suit or reach for a whip. Start with slaps and light restraint (yes, a silk scarf, like in "Basic Instinct," will work great). Want to try tantric sex, but are afraid your partner will think it's mystical nonsense? Choose a simple breathing exercise from tantra and suggest doing it before foreplay.
Noticing that your partner enjoys the new experience, try to take it further. In the end, it may turn out that you secretly dreamed of the same thing.
Don't be embarrassed about your desires. By realizing them, you make your shared sexual life more complete and vivid and strengthen the intimacy in your relationship. So, fewer secrets, more pleasure!
