How to talk to your partner about sex

Sex is not always the perfect complement to each other. Desires change, as do moods. Today you want one thing, tomorrow - another. And humanity still cannot read minds. Instead of guessing - talk.

1. Stop being shy

We are shy about talking about sex and our preferences. We are afraid that we will not be understood or that we will seem strange. For many, the conversation about sex is a taboo learned from childhood. For others, sex is a very personal matter, and talking about it is extremely difficult. Therefore, the first thing to do to start a conversation is to throw away shyness.

Talking about sex, as well as engaging in it, is not shameful.

To overcome shyness, start the conversation with somewhat distant things: whether you liked it or not, what exactly you liked. Don't be afraid to say "I want". Also, don't forget about wishes during sex. It's much easier to talk in the process because, at that moment, you don't feel shy - your brain is absorbed in something else. So start voicing your desires while having sex and don't forget about compliments and light discussions afterward.

2. Speak directly

Another big mistake is trying to explain what you want through hints. Firstly, few people understand hints. Secondly, a person may understand the hint completely differently. Thirdly, beating around the bush only leads to misunderstanding.

Let’s take two examples of dialogue.

In the first case, the partner does not understand what to do, and the desire disappears. The dialogue leads to a quarrel and mutual dissatisfaction. In the second - it bears fruit and leads to mutual pleasure.

Understand that the partner also gets pleasure if you feel good. Sex is not a one-way game.

Therefore, speak directly. If you are afraid to voice your most secret desires, start with short statements: “gentler”, “softer”, “faster”, “slower”.

3. Think about desires and preferences

A frequent problem: a person does not know what they want and what they like. If you are not ready for experiments, think about what from the classic set you like. Ask yourself a few questions.

1. What specific foreplay do you like?
2. What positions do you prefer?
3. Why these positions?
4. What do you dream about?
5. When you think about sex, what positions or touches do you imagine?

More often than not, our brain in dreams, sexual fantasies, or erotic dreams gives a hint about our preferences or hidden desires.

If you know what you want, it will be much easier to voice it.

4. Find out what the partner wants

This is the simplest part. To learn about your partner's preferences, it's not always necessary to talk. Observe them during sex. And no, that doesn't mean you have to look everywhere. Try, experiment, let your imagination run wild, and remember.

Start with foreplay, notice which actions bring the most pleasure. It's not that hard to understand: from sounds, breathing, movements, and even requests.

After sex, remember what you liked the most, which positions the partner prefers.

The next step will already be a conversation. Ask if they like this or that, if they enjoy doing, for example, cunnilingus and whether they like oral sex, and if so, what kind. Don’t forget to learn about positions.

Next, it's worth moving on to fantasies. Perhaps it's time you try the simplest sex toys or role-playing games. Or have sex not on the usual bed, but at least in the kitchen, hallway, or bathroom.

5. When to talk about sex

There is a place and time for every conversation.

If you are voicing immediate desires that make the process better and bring you closer to the peak of pleasure - “faster”, “slower”, “gentler”, etc., then this should be said during sex.

Imagine the situation: you finish, and then you say that you would have liked it to be gentler and slower. First, the partner may be offended that you didn’t say this during the process. Secondly, they will remember and next time will do it the way you wanted. But desires can change: yesterday you wanted tenderness, and today you dream of passionate rough sex.

Another matter is the subsequent discussion of what you liked. You can compliment, say that you appreciated some position or movement. Talking about this during the process makes no sense, as it can throw you off rhythm and you end up discussing sex instead of engaging in it.

The third option is a conversation about secret desires and fantasies. An open conversation about sex is just as arousing as foreplay. This is the first argument. The second is that sometimes preparation is necessary to realize fantasies: moral or material.

For example, you decided to try a role play with the simplest attributes: blindfolds, handcuffs, or tied wrists. But to start, you need to be ready for the fact that you will be at the mercy of your partner. Second, the necessary ribbon, scarf, or blindfold might not be available in your home. Accordingly, you should discuss this before the process, rather than frantically searching for inventory during or regretting afterward.

6. How not to offend and not overdo it

Here are a few simple rules.

Don't look for negativity, only note the good

Exception: if you feel pain or discomfort. In this case, you won't offend but rather avoid problems. In other cases, discussing negativity won't lead to anything good. But if you voice what was good, next time it will be even better because your desires will be known.

Don't strive to talk a lot during sex

Yes, you can direct or suggest. The main thing is not to turn sex into a morning chat with a cup of coffee and a newspaper or to play the role of a teacher with an inexperienced student. In the first case, you will talk more than engage in the act. In the second - you will make your partner feel awkward, as if they don’t know anything. This will negatively affect their self-esteem and they are unlikely to want a repeat anytime soon, if at all.

Remember that sex is a mutual pleasure

Agree, it's nice to feel when someone desires you strongly and to know that you can bring pleasure. So don’t be afraid to discuss - and the process will become not mundane, like brushing your teeth, but something pleasant to think about and remember.

Conclusion

So, let’s repeat the steps.

1. Forget about shyness.
2. Speak directly.
3. Think about what you want.
4. Find out what the partner wants.
5. Choose the right moment.
6. Talk about the good.

Good luck and mutual pleasure!