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1. Stress
It doesn’t matter where you got it: at work or in relationships. Stress is stress, and it kills sexual desire. Often, sex helps to relax, but for that, you need to at least start. The solution is to learn to relax and somehow keep stress under control. There are a lot of techniques and methods for this, and we also wrote about them. Try and find a suitable one.
2. Problematic relationships
There are couples who are triggered by quarrels, but they are not many. Conflicts, bickering, waning feelings, betrayal, misunderstandings — it’s clear why in such an environment there’s no time for sex. Sometimes it happens that the attraction to the partner disappears.
The solution to the problem is dull and lengthy. You need to honestly analyze the relationship and understand what exactly is wrong. Maybe the partner has become unattractive to you, maybe you spend too little time together and don’t feel close, or maybe your partner is a manipulator, and it’s better not to try to reignite the passion but to end the relationship.
3. Alcohol
Yes, alcohol, in small amounts, is a stimulant that sometimes helps to relax and sets the appropriate mood. But any excess can lead to a state of too drunk to fuck, and if you are devoted to alcohol, you will soon not want to love anyone else because alcohol has a very negative impact on health. Moreover, a drunk person can be repulsive and off-putting to a partner. There is only one way out — know your limits, and if you can’t, then seek help for dependency.
4. Lack of sleep
When your eyes instantly close in bed, there's no time for sex. In fact, this is related to the body's need for sleep being more important than sex, and the body first satisfies the most essential needs.
It’s easiest for those who can’t sleep due to a large number of tasks: priorities need to be set, and if sexual life is not at the bottom of the list, then some workload should be given up in favor of rest.
But sometimes a lack of sleep is caused by insomnia or sleep apnea (for example, if you snore). Then you need to get treated and get enough sleep.
5. Children
When a small child appears in the family, parents often can’t manage to have sex, because everything piles up all at once: stress, lack of sleep, difficulties with new roles and relationships, constant interruptions by the baby’s crying. Fortunately, these are temporary difficulties, but still try at least for a couple of hours a week to entrust the child to relatives or a nanny to be alone together.
6. Medications
Many medications reduce sexual desire: these are pills for lowering blood pressure, antidepressants, and some contraceptives. Don’t hesitate to tell your doctor about side effects so that they can prescribe other medications that don’t destroy libido.
7. Low self-esteem
To want sex, sometimes you need to feel more sexual. Dissatisfaction with one’s body can be so strong that one doesn’t want to show it to their partner, even if the partner is fine with it. Work needs to be done in two directions: eliminate the flaws that can be eliminated and accept those that cannot be fixed. For the latter, professional help from a psychologist or psychotherapist may be needed — a normal self-esteem is worth it.
8. Obesity
First of all, obesity is dangerous. Excess weight leads to problems with blood vessels, hormones, raises blood pressure, and develops diseases of all organs and systems. In such conditions, libido doesn’t survive.
Secondly, obesity is often a reason for low self-esteem, which does not contribute to sexual attraction.
If your weight has gone beyond healthy limits (or is close to the edge of what is acceptable), it’s time to think first and foremost about yourself and get back in shape, and then libido will return.
9. Erectile dysfunction
This is about men. Maybe you want to, but it doesn’t happen. In this case, you need to see a doctor to find out what’s going on and whether any diseases are responsible for impotence, and only then treat them.
10. Low testosterone levels
The production of testosterone, like many other hormones, is related to numerous internal and external factors. We can influence some: change our diet or start exercising to increase testosterone levels. And it’s also important to remember that sex itself affects the level of this hormone, so if there’s a chance to desire — you should desire.
11. Depression
This is not the “depression” where you want chocolate and to be sad, but a clinical severe condition that needs to be treated, because decreased libido is far from the most unpleasant manifestation of this illness. Yes, antidepressants can also reduce sexual desire, but they can at least be adjusted and changed until you find those that work.
12. Menopause
Due to hormonal changes in the body, a woman sometimes loses desire, and sometimes experiences discomfort during sex: dryness or even pain. This can be managed with lubricants. The good news is: good sex can happen even after menopause.
