Sex in our society plays a huge role in self-assertion. A recent study Has Virginity Lost Its Virtue? Relationship Stigma Associated With Being a Sexually Inexperienced Adult. showed that even virgins do not want to enter into relationships with other virgins.
At the same time, the "norm" established by us regarding the number of sexual encounters creates a vicious circle. Many women — "a cool macho" and at the same time "a womanizer," few women — "a loser." Many men — a girl "with reduced social responsibility," whom "no one will marry." A virgin — "boring in bed," "will cheat."
As a result, everyone ends up at the tail end of the race for recognition through sex. So to start, we suggest remembering one thing: everyone has their own norm regarding the number of sexual encounters, and if it’s once every six months and you feel comfortable that way, then it’s normal. Even a complete absence of sex, if it doesn't bother you, is also normal.
But sometimes libido sharply decreases compared to the usual state. And this is far from uncommon.
According to research, 30–40% of people around the world experience a lack of interest in sex for at least several months a year.
The reasons for this phenomenon are complex, as libido is influenced not only by emotional state but also by medication, health problems (which you may not be aware of), stress, physical fatigue, cycle phase, and so on.
Let’s try to analyze the most popular of them and suggest a solution to the problem.
Medication
Erectile dysfunction and decreased libido are side effects of a huge number of medications. Such outcomes can occur with antidepressants (30–80% Psychopharmacology for the Clinician. of people experience this, making it one of the main reasons for discontinuing treatment), opioid pain relievers, oral contraceptives, antihistamines, anxiety medications, hair loss medications, contraceptives, and many others.
If you are taking any of these medications and feel less sexual desire than usual, — see a doctor, describe the problem, and ask them to find you an alternative.
Contrary to popular belief, medications like Viagra won't help you if you are experiencing decreased libido and erectile dysfunction, since the problem is usually not solved by increased blood flow to the genitals. And the possible side effects of Viagra are not much better:
- headache;
- upset stomach;
- blurring of vision;
- light sensitivity;
- sudden decrease or loss of vision in one or both eyes;
- abnormally prolonged erection that may harm the penis;
- irregular heartbeat;
- stroke;
- heart attack, which may lead to death.
If it's not possible to stop taking any of the medications that decrease libido, "natural Viagra" may help. This is L-arginine — an amino acid, a precursor of nitric oxide, which leads to the relaxation of smooth muscles in the vessels. As a result, they expand, allowing blood to flow more freely.
L-arginine can also enhance microcirculation in the sexual tissues, leading to improved erection and sexual sensitivity. But such a remedy must be prescribed by a doctor, as a comprehensive approach is often needed to address the problem.
Health Problems
The reasons for decreased desire are one of the most popular questions in the sex education blog of Tatyana Nikonova. And sometimes the question is formulated like this: “How to relieve stress from a partner to increase their desire?”
In response, Tatyana shared her story.
All of last year, I basically had no desire for sex, and then it turned out that I had a vitamin D deficiency. An endocrinologist prescribed horse doses to raise it to a normal level for other indications, and now I’m feeling very much interested. The question is, how would relieving excess worries revive my desire for sex? Not at all. How could I have guessed that I had a vitamin deficiency if the doctor hadn't sent me for a test? Again, not at all. How would I feel if my partner stated that my rejections humiliate him? Under pressure due to responsibility for something I have no idea about and cannot control.
Tatyana Nikonova, journalist and author of the blog, sexual education activist.
General health does indeed have a huge impact on sexual life. For example, elevated blood sugar levels or simply the constant presence of sweets in the diet can effectively turn off Monosaccharide-induced lipogenesis regulates the human hepatic sex hormone-binding globulin gene. the gene responsible for sex hormones.
Therefore, if you have not had any desire for several weeks, but you are not taking any medications from the above list, you have no relationship problems and stress, it’s best not to delay a visit to the doctor. Decreased libido may be caused by high blood pressure, high cholesterol, smoking, hormonal level changes, diabetes, and much more.
Fatigue and Stress
Fatigue is not an ephemeral state that will pass in a day or that can be ignored because "everyone gets tired."
If there has been a strong shock in your life recently — a move, exams, the death of a relative, then most likely the desire will return once the problem is resolved or you cope with the experiences.
However, serious, long-term changes in life are also a reason for decreased sexual desire. Emigration, financial instability, the birth of children — all of this forces one to live in an unusual rhythm.
The birth of children completely turns household life upside down for many years, and fatigue becomes a constant state. Stress causes the body to produce cortisol — a hormone that is incompatible with sexual desire.
In this case, reorganizing the household and distributing responsibilities may help. But this should be done permanently and not just for a week, or else fatigue will return quickly or simply won't have time to retreat.
Also, make sure to add more time for yourself, even at the expense of other tasks. Prolonged stress depletes the body, and it will take some time before the absence of desire stops being your only problem.
Relationship Issues
If decreased sexual desire has caught you in a relationship, then before checking all of the points mentioned above, it’s worth asking yourself whether you are satisfied with everything in it.
Perhaps sex in this relationship has never been great, and once the period of infatuation is over, this has become too obvious? Perhaps you are limited in expressing feelings and emotions, and your sexual desire has never been important? Perhaps you simply want something new, but you don't know how to say it? Perhaps you have become less interested in having sex, but you are okay with this, while your partner is not?
Talking about sex is hard. But there is one piece of advice — start talking about it. A partner who sees you as an individual and respects your wishes will accept them and be ready for a long absence of sex, especially if you are, for example, undergoing treatment for depression.
For those who are waiting, it’s important to understand: sex may not return. Especially if the problem truly lies in differing norms for each of you. And no persuasion or "ideal courting" will make a person want more than they need.
For many, sexual activity is an important part of life and relationships, but it’s essential to remember that issues with libido are common. It is crucial to prioritize your health first, rather than waiting for it to "pass on its own."
