Sex is one of those pleasures that initially seem remarkably sweet and inspiring, but over time become mundane. Experienced lovers often prefer quiet joint relaxation or simply the opportunity to sleep.
There can be many reasons for decreased libido Sexless Marriage Causes and Cures . You can judge how widespread the problem is by the statistics. For instance, 15 to 20% of couples in the USA have intimate relations less than 10 times a year, which is defined as a "sexless marriage." Such asexuality is fraught with a range of physiological and psychological problems.
But what happens if we do not succumb to fatigue and cooling of relations, but engage in sex every day, as if the honeymoon just ended? There are those who have tried.
30 Day Sex Challenge
In general, the 30 Day Sex Challenge ("30 days of daily sex") is a fairly popular "challenge" in recent years, organized by experienced couples from the USA and Europe. The internet is full of reports. For example, one of them is posted on BuzzFeed These Couples Challenged Themselves To Have Sex Every Day For A Month And It Wasn’t As Fun As You’d Think .
Three couples who decided to participate in the experiment aimed to explore whether daily intimacy could improve their relationships and each individual's well-being. Spoiler: the results were mixed.
The participants admitted that the 30-day sex marathon was not easy for them, and none of them wanted to continue it after the experiment ended. Although all noted that the connections within the couple became much deeper and warmer, and life in general took on new vibrant colors.
One of the most detailed reports I Had Sex Every Day For 30 Days — Here’s EXACTLY What Went Down was posted online by American Kirsty Carpenter. The girl not only described her experience but also analyzed it. Some conclusions were surprising.
Reasons to Start
The experiment was inspired for Kirsty by the book of American pastor Paul Wirth titled "The 30-Day Sex Challenge: A Journey to Intimacy." The pastor wrote this work while contemplating the reasons for the impressive number of divorces recorded in the USA.
Wirth concluded that to have stable relationships, not only spiritual and emotional closeness is needed, but also intimacy.
The book made a strong impression on Kirsty. By that time, the girl had been in a relationship for more than four and a half years, and the passion between the couple had predictably cooled. Like everyone else, Kirsty and her boyfriend M. experienced problems, making sex rare—no more than once a month. After attempts to improve the relationship, the number of intimate encounters stabilized at about once a week.
Impressed by the divorce statistics and not wanting to add to them, Kirsty decided to arrange a 30-day challenge for herself and her partner to see what would happen.
Not everything went smoothly. When the start date was discussed with M., Kirsty ended up in the hospital with appendicitis. Recovery from the surgery took three weeks, so when the doctors finally said, "You can," Kirsty and her boyfriend eagerly jumped under the same blanket.
This disrupted the purity of the experiment: it was supposed that the partners would start the 30-day sex marathon already somewhat tired of each other.
However, Carpenter was not planning to abandon the idea. Once the false start was forgotten, she began the experiment anew. This time without notifying M.
Week One: The Illusion of Imperfection
How It Was
M. noticed that something unusual was happening only on the fourth day. Before that, daily sex apparently seemed to him quite normal. Kirsty, on the other hand, was worried about her appearance: in bed, she constantly tried to cover the scar from the operation with her hand, thinking that it might repel her partner. But no.
Surprisingly, M. completely ignored the physical flaw of his partner. He simply did not notice it.
What It Led To
It was at that moment that Kirsty discovered an important fact (by the way, confirmed by scientific research The Impact of Body Awareness on Sexual Arousal in Women with Sexual Dysfunction ).
Very often, a woman subconsciously stops wanting sex for one simple reason: she is not confident in her attractiveness. Her own body seems "fat," "disproportionate," "imperfect." However, men simply do not notice this "imperfection": in intimate moments, they, like M., are focused completely on other things.
What It Means
Intimacy is the zone where one can relax and accept oneself as one is. By relaxing and letting go of our complexes, we increase not only the pleasure of the process but also enhance our self-esteem.
Week Two: The Effect of Novelty
How It Was
After seven days of daily sex, the couple began to feel a bit bored and wanted to take a break. But Kirsty was determined to solve this problem. So she decided to add variety to intimacy.
What It Led To
The couple stopped limiting themselves to sex exclusively in the marital bed. They tried alternative spots at home: the kitchen table, the couch in the living room, even the carpet in the hallway.
What It Means
The effect of novelty stimulates sexual desire. The brain is the largest sexual organ, so it is important to constantly awaken curiosity within it. What if we try it this way? How about this? Or otherwise? When we give free rein to our exploratory instincts, continuing the sex marathon will not be as difficult as it seems.
Week Three: Rediscovering Love
How It Was
Kirsty was the first to notice unusual behavior in herself: in the mornings after a passionate night, she wanted to give M. the opportunity to sleep longer. So she kept setting the alarm back again and again. The passion, compared to the first days of the marathon, was waning, while the desire to take care of her partner, on the contrary, grew stronger.
What It Led To
M. "mirrored" Kirsty's changed attitude. This was expressed in his remark: "I want to be close to you in bed, not for sex." Carpenter notes that she felt something similar during their honeymoon. It seemed that those forgotten feelings returned to their lives. Kirsty wanted to have sex with M. again and again.
What It Means
Research shows Women’s Motivations for Sex: Exploring the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, Fourth Edition, Text Revision Criteria for Hypoactive Sexual Desire and Female Sexual Arousal Disorders that only 15% of women experience physiological desire for intimacy. However, one in three requires a motive for arousal. This motive can be warm feelings toward a partner. "Apparently, I belong to that third of women," Kirsty noted.
Week Four: Sex Resuscitating Relationships
How It Was
Realizing that the marathon was coming to an end, the couple became more passionate in their sexual activities than ever before. They experimented and even watched porn. It came to the point where M. and Kirsty had sex right in the car, where they sat to go visit friends.
What It Led To
By the end of the 30-day experiment, both were completely exhausted. On the first night after the marathon, Kirsty and M. didn't feel like being intimate anymore. Instead, they just wanted to lie in each other's arms. "I was sure we would take at least a week off: we were so worn out," recalls Kirsty. "But instead, we made love again just two days later."
What It Means
Daily lovemaking can indeed improve the emotional connection in a couple. Sometimes, all that relationships need to become ideal again is such a kind of sex resuscitation. At least, this is the conclusion Kirsty came to.
Health Benefits
Maintaining warmth and love in a couple, accepting one's body—these are far from the only benefits a sex marathon can offer. It has been scientifically proven that regular intimate relationships:
- Reduce the risk of heart attack Sexual intercourse and risk of ischaemic stroke and coronary heart disease: the Caerphilly study by 50%.
- Boost immunity Influence of Sex on Immunoglobulin Levels .
- Can serve as an alternative to moderate intensity fitness training, influencing excess weight and muscle condition.
- Reduce Sex Yourself To Better Health: 4 Aches And Pains Orgasms Can Cure pain of various origins, including headache and PMS pains.
- Reduce Frequent ejaculation may decrease prostate cancer risk of prostate cancer in men.
- Improve sleep The orgasmic history of oxytocin: Love, lust, and labor due to increased production of the relaxing hormone oxytocin.
This means that sex is a remedy not only for the soul but also for the body. Taking it in a course is a great way to solve many life problems.
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