10 things you should never do in bed.

1. Silence

The more we talk about sex, the more often it turns out that the participants in the process may have almost diametrically opposed views on the intimacy that has already occurred.

Unless we are talking about traumatic and unwanted sex, both parties can usually speak about their feelings and expect to be heard. So, speak up. Of course, both should do this, but in a heterosexual couple, it's implied that the active role will be taken by the man. And often both partners expect that this very man will know without words how to satisfy both.

But people cannot read minds. Waiting silently for a miracle is not an option.

An adequate partner will hear your desire and will likely try to argue that hundreds of his previous partners finished like that 40 times a night. In that case, send him to those exes and remind him that it needs to be different with you.

2. Criticize

Yes, forbidden phrases are evil, but criticism in bed implies a dismissive, sharp, and rude tone. If something is bothering you, if you want to stop the process, if you realize that you missed your orgasm, if your leg has gone numb—say so directly.

Your partner may get upset and ask what he is doing wrong. You will need to be patient and explain that he is not to blame, it’s just that your leg went numb and you lost your orgasm. You are ready to continue this way or help your partner finish, but you don’t want any more movements towards you.

3. Take offense at your partner's words

Do not get defensive about your partner’s comments. Yes, you may be feeling really good right now, and you want to finish. Or you have already orgasmed and want to bring your partner to it. But if this partner wants to stop—then stop.

This does not mean that you are a terrible lover. It means that your partner wants to slow down or change position. If you both respect each other, then the process after the stop phrase will be fine.

The partner can help you finish in a different way that does not personally traumatize him and does not require him to "just endure." And there are dozens of such ways, don’t get fixated on vaginal sex.

4. Ignore the pain

If you feel pain during any type of action—don't endure it. Tell your partner about it. If you only feel pain from penetrative sex, but overall you want to continue—you have a huge number of options for different interactions.

Pain is an abnormal reaction. Try to find out its cause with a doctor.

If your partner says they are in pain, then stop immediately. There is no need to persuade them to continue, to endure, or to offer "What if I do it this way?". You can figure out later what the optimal continuation is for your partner, but right now you need to stop.

If the partner is ready to continue but in a different way—do not insist on your own. Vaginal and anal penetration with a penis often causes pain. If that’s your case—then the penis should not enter those openings again today, and you can engage in alternative practices with your partner.

5. Ignore your partner’s indifference

Passivity does not equal indifference. If you are passionately stroking some part of your partner's body, and their breathing does not quicken, and they are lying completely still, it means that it does not excite them.

They may remain silent for different reasons. For example, they see that you are enjoying yourself and do not want to take that away from you. But sex works both ways, and it makes more sense if partners are busy stimulating each other, rather than one stimulating themselves because of you.

6. Worry about the orgasm

You don't need to consider orgasm the end goal and obligatory point of sex. Especially not a point that completes intimacy.

In fact, reaching orgasm usually requires a certain number of friction in a specific place, and sometimes it's enough to last almost 10 seconds. Most people reach orgasm faster from masturbation, so a partner is not particularly necessary for this.

Sex is about intimacy and pleasure, and orgasm is just one of its components.

If you listen to each other and are willing to change technique and movements at the first request of the partner, then the orgasm will likely occur for both parties anyway. And don’t get fixated on your own orgasm, this will likely have the opposite effect.

Do not fake an orgasm. Do not take offense at your partner's words that he did not have an orgasm—these are all normal components of sex. Though it’s incredibly hard to talk about and hear, it will help in the future to understand each other better.

7. Be shy to voice your desires

If you want to try something new, don’t hesitate to suggest it to your partner. But it will be more correct for everyone if the request sounds like this: "I want to be tied up and spanked," rather than, "I really want to put an anal plug in you."

In the first case, you articulate your desire and place the responsibility for its realization and your comfort on the other. If you are asking for some action, then at the very least you are ready to try; at most, it will be very pleasant for you.

In the second case, you are asking the partner to do something with him and take the responsibility for his comfort. And a person who is going to do something new for him is less likely to enjoy it unless you have guessed his secret desire.

If you still chose the second option, then stick to a simple rule: if you ask a girl for an anal plug—be ready to try it on yourself first. You can only correctly calculate the intensity and force of impact if you understand what the partner is feeling at that moment.

8. Use scented wax candles as a sex toy

Just don't do that. It almost always leads to burns and allergic reactions.

9. Have sex with people just because you decided they want it

People do not want sex 24/7. Here’s evidence of that: in an experiment, three couples were asked to have sex every day for a month. They felt unwell.

If a person comes into your apartment—they do not necessarily want sex. When a person decides whether they want intimacy at any moment, the personality traits of their partner play almost the last role. Sex is not about maintaining your self-confidence.

Also, sex is not always about liking each other. If this is your regular partner, it is logical to assume that you like each other, but you may not want sex.

If your plans include bringing a person to orgasm, it’s useful to remember that a relaxed mind is needed for this. A person who is thinking about how much they want to be here during the process of friction will not be able to relax. And then for you, it will be masturbation, and for the other, it will be bad sex.

10. Have sex with an intoxicated person

Is any sex under the influence of alcohol or drugs considered violent? This is a very contentious question on the Russian Internet. No, it is not, if both are in the same state: there is little that can impede them.

However, one of the partners is often better at managing themselves. And this is easy to check: the one who brought the other home is in a more adequate state, and this person is responsible for the safety of the one they are accompanying.

In such a situation, one life hack will come in handy. If there’s an intoxicated person in front of you and you want to have sex with them—ask yourself if you would trust them to drive your car right now. If not, then you shouldn't engage in sex with them either.