What is asexuality
In asexuality, people lack or almost lack sexual attraction.
Asexuality is not included in the International Classification of Diseases, but in some countries it is considered a hypoactive sexual desire disorder. Some sexologists believe that asexuals are people with low libido.
This is not agreed upon by most specialists or asexuals themselves. Experts believe Asexuality. that the difference between people with low libido or a sexual desire disorder and asexuals is that the latter are not concerned about it, while the former are often linked to other health problems and require treatment Asexuality Is a Sexual Orientation, Not a Sexual Dysfunction. .
The asexual community AVEN (Asexual Visibility and Education Network) actively fights for the exclusion of asexuality from lists of deviations.
Canadian scientist Anthony Bogart notes in his book "Understanding Asexuality" that asexuality should not be compared to celibacy and abstinence, when the refusal of sex is caused by a person's personal or religious beliefs.
Scientists' arguments Asexuality Is a Sexual Orientation, Not a Sexual Dysfunction. in favor of the normality of asexuality are as follows:
- Asexuals have always felt this way. Feelings are typically attributed to an innate tendency. Researchers have also proven that asexuality is not a response to negative sexual or other experiences in childhood or other traumas.
- Asexuality manifests early in life. Observations of brothers and sisters raised together exclude predisposition or the importance of external influence on a person's asexuality.
- Theoretical possibility. This study examines whom a person would choose in a theoretical situation where they could freely engage in sex without negative consequences.
How common is this phenomenon
The figures range from 1.05% to 3.3%. But debates are still ongoing because statistical data is insufficient.
Alfred Kinsey wrote in 1948 that 1.5% of men are asexual Kinsey, A. C., Pomeroy, W. B. and Martin, C. E. Sexual behavior in the human male, 1948. . And 3.3% of Finnish women report that they have never felt sexual attraction to anyone. The same is true for 2% of New Zealand high school students and from 0.4% to 1% of adults from the UK Asexuality Is a Sexual Orientation, Not a Sexual Dysfunction. .
At present, researchers have settled on 1.05%. This is roughly 70 million people.
According to surveys conducted in the 1990s, which Anthony Bogart analyzed, 70% of asexuals are women Asexuality: prevalence and associated factors in a national probability sample. . But such data may be related to the fact that men find it harder to talk about the absence of libido.
The genital organs of asexuals work perfectly
A 2013 study proved Physiological and subjective sexual arousal in self-identified asexual women. that asexuals have erection and vaginal lubrication in response to certain stimulation.
They can even reach orgasm, but do not experience emotional satisfaction.
Asexuality is not a hormonal failure
Yes, a specific asexual may have hormonal problems, but this requires treatment, just like any other person. However, after recovery, desire will not appear.
To understand if you are asexual or if it’s time to visit an endocrinologist, you should ask yourself such questions:
- Do you feel constantly tired?
- Do you have hair loss?
- Are you gaining weight?
- Did you used to be interested in sex, but suddenly stopped?
- Do you feel weak?
- Do you feel depressed or have any other mood changes?
- Do you have memory problems and difficulty concentrating?
- Do you have menstruation? Is your cycle regular?
- Do you have erection problems?
- Are there sleep problems?
Positive answers to these questions indicate that you have a hormonal imbalance. An asexual simply does not experience interest in sex, which does not cause discomfort.
However, it is still better to get a blood test for hormones to get an accurate answer.
What types of asexuals are there
Although there is insufficient research on this topic, it can already be said that asexuals have different attitudes towards intimacy. AVEN conducted its own research to find this out.
70% of respondents stated that they have never had sexual contacts, 11% had sexual contacts in the past but are not currently living a sexual life, and 7% lead a sexual life. 17% of respondents stated that they have a complete aversion to sex, 38% have some aversion, and 27% are indifferent to sex.
The very term "asexuality" was invented quite recently. And not by researchers, but by asexual Michael Door, who described his feelings as the opposite of sexuality.
The term gained traction and became official, but was associated with those for whom physical closeness is absolutely indifferent. Many asexuals were not satisfied with this approach. Thus, more precise terms or descriptions for different categories of asexuals emerged.
For example, there are such variations:
- Those who do not accept touching in any form.
- Those who have absolutely no sexual feelings or experiences.
- Romantics. Feel romantic attraction and are ready for hugs and kisses.
- Aromantics. Do not feel romantic attraction.
- Demi-romantics. Can be romantic, but only after developing an emotional connection with a partner.
- Graysexuals. Have a sexual attraction, but it is significantly lower than that of other people. Or attraction arises and disappears periodically.
- Those who can masturbate. Such people, if they fantasize about a specific person, do not strive to be with them physically.
- Those who are ready for different sexual practices only with a close partner.
- Those who are ready for sex with a partner with whom they are in serious and long-term relationships.
Importantly, none of them, except for graysexuals, experience interest in sex, but some are willing to engage in it if physical closeness is important to their partner.
Some asexuals have also shared their experiences of relationships with sexuals or pro-sexuals (as they call those who are interested in sex and find pleasure in it). According to them, sex was only possible after long-term relationships and work on themselves. Even after that, the partner had to suggest making love at least a day in advance. Spontaneous sex caused anxiety and paralysis.
But they still do not experience pleasure. The feelings vary from "I felt disgust" to "I am indifferent".
What asexuals say about hugs and kisses
- “I don’t allow hugs with anyone except a couple of best friends.”
- “They are pleasant. Very.”
- “A very serious degree of trust and intimacy is needed; without it — kisses are simply disgusting. If there is trust — it’s more or less the same, with or without kisses. As for hugs, I never had any particular issue; I can hug strangers.”
- “In my case, only hugs, only hardcore.”
- “Not particularly pleasant. But I allow the possibility that with some people it might be okay.”
- “I feel uncomfortable when touched. I feel awkward, uneasy, and ashamed; I get tense and curl up. Hugs and kisses are also unpleasant for me.”
- “It depends on the person. If someone is well-known to me, it’s even nice. But I find even the touches of strangers disgusting, let alone kisses.”
- “I enjoy hugs, but kisses are unpleasant.”
- “The most important thing in life is hugs. For me, hugs are like sex for a regular person. After experiences in relationships where kisses always led to physical closeness, I avoid kisses too. Oh, how I wish they didn’t lead to anything.”
As AVEN activists describe, for some, sexual arousal is a fairly regular phenomenon, although it is not related to the desire to find a sexual partner.
Some of them sometimes masturbate, but do not want to have sex. Others experience little or no arousal at all. Additionally, they often do not consider the absence of sexual arousal a problem that needs to be solved.
Most people on AVEN report that they have never experienced attraction.
Asexuals are not against relationships
One of the most popular questions on asexual forums is: “Will I always be alone?” Activists consider this a significant issue, leading to depression becoming a common companion for asexuals.
Sex is so important in people's lives that many cannot imagine relationships without it.
But asexuals do not dislike sex, they dislike people. Romantic or graysexuals experience slightly fewer problems, as their relationships are more similar to the usual ones and include everything that is commonly referred to as foreplay.
However, they also share that building relationships is incredibly difficult because compromises often have to be made by them, not their partners.
Relationships with other asexuals do not pose problems, but searching for a partner can take years, if it even leads to success.
However, there are many examples of happy relationships between asexuals who live harmoniously together and even have children through adoption or IVF Feature: Glad to be asexual. .
