Children begin to be interested in their bodies as early as two years old: they touch themselves, examine children of the opposite sex, and ask questions. This is a healthy interest, and parents should satisfy it. Psychologists recommend starting sexual education for children before their first sexual experience looms on the horizon. This will help avoid many problems in the distant future, including the formation of complexes and early pregnancies.
1. Radiate confidence
If a child comes to you with a question “about this,” it means he trusts you more than his peers. So don't be scared and behave casually. If the child notices your embarrassment, he will think that he asked about something shameful. This will form an unhealthy attitude towards the subject and fuel interest.
If you are generally uncomfortable talking about sex, engage in your own sexual education: read books, watch films, discuss the topic with your partner.
By denying the sexuality of our children, their right to be interested in this topic and to satisfy all kinds of questions, we push them towards early experiments, seeking answers outside the family, where safety is never guaranteed.
2. Answer honestly
Forget the phrase "You will grow up - you will find out." First, it is rude; second, you risk losing authority in the eyes of the child. Answer children's questions truthfully and only tell them what you know for sure. If you don't know, don't make things up. It’s better to admit that you’re not ready and return to the conversation later.
Remember a simple rule: we answer exactly the posed question, without lies, but do not add anything unnecessary, do not awaken the child's imagination and thereby do not give reasons to continue exploring this topic elsewhere.
How to answer the question “Where did I come from”
Stork and cabbage no longer bring children. Say what actually happened, but consider the child’s age: the younger the age, the fewer details. You can show them the following video for younger school children, but euphemisms like “little tap” are better replaced with ordinary terms.
What to say to a child who caught their parents in bed
If the child is not yet three years old, there is a chance to do without rational explanations. The child did not even understand what he saw. If he is already going to kindergarten or school, watch his reaction. Just don't pretend you weren't doing anything. Act calmly and naturally. If you have wide eyes from fear, the child will think something terrible happened.
Tell him that “dad and mom were kissing” or that “this is how dad and mom show that they love each other.” Don’t say that you were playing. The child may feel hurt that you are having fun without him and might want to play with you next time.
What to say about masturbation
The child may be interested in the moral aspect of self-stimulation, whether it's normal to touch oneself. Explain to him that masturbation is a natural phenomenon for boys and girls, but it should only be done behind a closed door. Also warn about the dangers of pornography.
Masturbation while watching porn in adolescence is a direct path to impotence. Scientists have proven Is Internet Pornography Causing Sexual Dysfunctions? A Review with Clinical Reports , that regular self-stimulation while watching porn decreases libido in both men and women, and also leads to addiction, which can only be cured with prolonged treatment by a psychotherapist.
3. Use special literature
Buy special literature in advance so that when the need arises, you can open the book and study the issue together. Colorful illustrations and concise explanations will make your life easier and save you from initial awkwardness.
Sex blogger Tatyana Nikonova suggests that parents read the following books:
- “The Book of Love,” Pernilla Stahlfelt.
- “Women and Men.”
- “Viva la vagina. Enough with hiding the hidden abilities of the organ that is not usually named,” Nina Brockmann, Ellen Steken.
- “Let's talk about relationships. Growing up, new desires, and changes in the body,” Robi Harris.
- “The Book That Tells Everything About Boys and Girls,” Françoise Bouchet.
- “From First Dates to Adulthood,” Debra Haffner.
- “The Sexual Life of Teenagers. Discovering the Secret World of Maturing Boys and Girls,” Lynn Ponton.
- “Too Early. Sex education in the internet era,” Alberto Pellai.
4. Focus on age and level of development
Children develop and mature differently, so there are no strict limits on when and what to say to whom. Just keep an eye on how your child grows so that you can talk to him in time.
Here are approximate stages of enlightenment:
- 2 years. The child will begin to show interest in their genitals. Under no circumstances should you shame him or smack his hands. Explain that it is okay to touch oneself, but only as long as no one is watching.
- 2–5 years. Children start to see the differences between themselves and people of the opposite sex. They already know what their genitals are called. You might even catch your little one examining another child's genitals. Don't worry: these activities are exploratory, not sexual in nature. The main thing is to explain that it is not necessary to touch someone else's genitals.
- 7 years. The child should understand that sex is an expression of love between two consenting adults. You will need to teach him to assert personal boundaries and say a firm “no” to anyone who wants to touch him.
- 9 years. You can start telling girls about menstruation, and boys about seminal emissions. It’s better if they are prepared for this in advance.
- 11–12 years. You can talk about the importance of contraception and common methods, as well as the existence of homosexuals.
5. Ask the child what he already knows
The child may have already heard enough from peers or found information on the internet. Your task is to hear the interpretation and dispel myths. Also, ask what impression the information made on him, and if he has any questions.
6. Call things by their names
Attempts to spare the child's psyche with euphemisms lead to the formation of complexes. The child should become familiar with the biological names of the genital organs at ages 2–4, while his mind is still free of the imprints of shame and negativity.
Forget about peppers, cookies, and roses. Call everything as it is: scrotum, penis, foreskin, glans, vulva, clitoris.
This is how you teach the child physiology, helping them understand how we are structured. This fosters respect for their own body.
Read also
- How sex is explained to children in English-speaking countries→
- How and why to talk to a child about sex→
- 8 engaging TED talks about love, sex, and jealousy→
- Guide to erotic conversations: what and why to say in bed→
