Quick sex is often associated with stormy passion, but in reality, it often turns out to be just a way to quickly achieve orgasm, that is, a banal release. Completely different goals are pursued in slow intercourse, which is gaining more and more supporters. So what does it represent? Let’s figure it out.

What is slow sex

Psychotherapist and human sexuality expert Barnaby Barratt identified three main characteristics of slow sex in his article "Sensuality, Sexuality, and the Eroticism of Slowness":

  • Focus on the process. That is, attention to each stage of intimacy rather than the desire to quickly reach the finish.
  • Pleasure orientation. That is, concentration on the sensual perception of any touch, rather than the desire to relieve tension.
  • Playfulness. That is, the free and unhurried following of each call of the body, rather than turning sex into a strictly structured process, performed within a certain timeframe.

A similar view of intimacy exists in tantra — a spiritual practice that uses the body as a tool for knowledge.

Tantric sex implies a slow, gradual entry into contact with oneself and a partner, awareness of oneself during this contact, and the release of a powerful stream of sexual energy that can influence other areas of life.

It’s not surprising that a person from Western culture is more inclined to quick sex: our civilization has formed under the influence of Christianity, which has almost demonized corporeality. Moreover, we are used to achieving goals and being effective.

In an ever-accelerating world, we need to manage to get our share of orgasms — there simply isn’t time for leisurely sex. And that’s a pity.

Benefits of slow sex

1. Slow sex significantly increases sensitivity and enhances intimacy between partners. Many sexologists agree with this. The fact is that by opening up to emotions during sexual contact, partners free themselves from the need to "work for results" (this can be especially important for men).

Thus, sex ceases to be a source of stress. It becomes a path to relaxation and a creative act. French psychoanalyst and sex researcher Alain Héril believes that such a practice can restore attraction even in very long-term relationships.

2. Slow sex can be a means of self-development. By focusing on their sensations, a person trains mindfulness, begins to understand themselves better, and lives more richly. These statements relate more to tantric practice.

Thus, the author of the book "The Heart of Tantric Sex: A Unique Guide to Love and Sexual Joy," Diana Richardson notes that sex in tantra is a way to touch one’s own essence. By practicing it, a person opens the source of pleasure within themselves and can truly explore their partner, not perceiving them as a machine for achieving orgasm.

3. Slow sex brings much more pleasure than quick sex. Those who practice such a method of intimacy can master the technique of controlling orgasm. It involves maintaining a highly excited state for a long time, which ultimately culminates in a full-body orgasm and nearly euphoria.

A similar experience from tantra is described in his book "In Praise of Slowness: How to Stop Hurrying and Start Living" by Canadian journalist Carl Honoré. According to him, during regular sex, there is a genital orgasm that lasts only a few seconds.

Tantra, on the other hand, stretches ecstasy over time and intensifies it. Sexual energy is distributed throughout the body, and it literally convulses with pleasure.

Sounds impressive, doesn’t it? But how to achieve this? Here are a few tips.

How to engage in slow sex

1. Prepare the environment

To reveal sensuality, the surroundings are important: scents, colors, textures. You have a bath, essential oils, scented candles, silk — everything that can enhance sensations. And, of course, take care of time. For slow sex, there should be plenty of it.

2. Start with eye contact

The gaze can be no less arousing than touch. Carefully explore your partner’s body as if you are touching them with your eyes.

Many women have complexes about their figure. To overcome them, imagine that with each piece of clothing removed, you are eliminating a complex or worry. Thus, by exposing the body, you will also get rid of fears.

3. Pay attention to your breathing

American writer James N. Powell, who studied the culture of slow sex among Polynesian peoples, advises observing your breathing and your partner’s breathing. This way, you will feel the energy that unites all parts of your body and connects you with your partner.

Sexologist Val Sampson also claims that breathing exercises can significantly prolong the duration of male orgasm. For this, while in a pre-orgasmic state, a man should breathe calmly and deeply and try to relax the muscles as much as possible. Then, instead of the usual 7–10 seconds, pleasure can last a full 30.

4. Explore all parts of the body

Slow sex is an opportunity to spend time on those zones that are usually ignored during intercourse. Now you have a chance to discover something new about your elbows, hands, and ankles. Try a long erotic massage or prolonged caresses of a specific part of the body.

Be sure to pay attention to your sensations and share them with your partner.

Diana Richardson advises not to hold back your reactions: if you feel embarrassment or absurdity — laugh; if you feel like crying — cry. Genuine emotions will only enhance intimacy.

5. Practice long intercourse

This advice applies more to the active partner. They should penetrate very slowly (even millimeter by millimeter) and slowly pull out. Try to freeze inside, feel the connection with your partner.

We are used to deriving pleasure from quick frictions. Slow sex allows for enjoyment from the very process of merging.

And one last clarification. Slow sex does not exclude the presence of acts of quick love in your life. Sometimes giving vent to animal passion is just right.

Ultimately, it’s better if partners jointly seek the most optimal pace. Just don’t rely on stereotypes in this: even researchThe Pace of Sex: Individual preferences for the frequency of Faster vs. Slower sexual behavior. show that men may prefer slow sex, while women may prefer quick.