How medicine explains this phenomenon
There is such a concept as postcoital dysphoria Postcoital Dysphoria: Prevalence and Correlates Among Males. . This is a state in which apathy, depression, and mood drops can occur after intercourse. In addition to strong emotional distress, irritability can also be included in the list of symptoms. Dysphoria can last from several hours to several days.
In 2015, an online survey was conducted, with the participation of 230 female students. As a result of the study, it turned out Postcoital Dysphoria: Prevalence and Psychological Correlates that 46% of the surveyed women experienced a sharp mood change immediately after intercourse at least once in their lives. Moreover, 5% of the respondents noted that symptoms of postcoital dysphoria manifested in them repeatedly over the past month.
Such a condition can also be observed in men. In 2018, a Postcoital Dysphoria: Prevalence and Correlates Among Males study was conducted, confirming this fact. Of the 1,208 male participants in the anonymous survey, 41% experienced postcoital dysphoria at some point in their lives. There were also those who confirmed that they faced the disorder after sex constantly — they accounted for 4%.
Why this happens
So far, the molecular mechanism underlying the disorder has been studied What is postcoital dysphoria (“post-sex blues”)? not fully. Therefore, it cannot be definitively stated that postcoital dysphoria is an endocrine phenomenon arising from hormonal changes during intimacy.
It can be said with certainty that the described state does not depend on the quality of sexual contact. A sharp change in mood in women or tears can occur even when sex is pleasurable.
A whole range of factors can be considered as prerequisites for the occurrence of postcoital dysphoria.
Biological reaction
In some cases, crying may arise as a mechanism Why Try (Not) to Cry: Intra- and Inter-Personal Motives for Crying Regulation for relieving tension and intense physical arousal. All the repressed sexual energy suddenly releases, which can sometimes truly lead to tears.
Happiness
Tears in the eyes can appear due to a whole range of emotions. And among them, not all are negative. Everyone has witnessed or experienced a state Dimorphous Expressions of Positive Emotion: Displays of Both Care and Aggression in Response to Cute Stimuli of “tears of joy.” The same can occur after sex, and sometimes even during sexual contact.
If a woman has not had intimacy for a long time or has been waiting for this moment for a long time, the feelings may be even more intense.
Nervous breakdown
Every person has many internal feelings that they hide and prefer not to share with their partner. All these oppressive thoughts gradually erode from the inside, preventing them from breathing deeply and simply enjoying life.
Negativity accumulates like a snowball and at one moment reaches a critical point. Intercourse can become that very moment when there is no longer any strength to endure, and all emotions break free. “Sex sometimes makes us feel vulnerable, and this vulnerability can cause tears. Immediately after sex, a reflexive REFLECTION period occurs. Emotions and experiences that you usually keep secret come out,” says Men Cry After Sex Too–Here’s Why It Happens Ian Kerner, a New York sexologist.
Shame or guilt
For some, the cause of postcoital dysphoria can be atypical behavior of the partner in bed, for example, their unexpected attempts to introduce a bit of BDSM. The cause of a sharp mood change can even be the release of intestinal gas at the most inopportune moment. The same story can happen with air that accumulates in the vagina.
Some women have a fear of being seen by their partner in a naked state. Avoidance of attachment and insecurity, as well as fear of losing one's own “self” can contribute Postcoital Dysphoria: Prevalence and Correlates Among Males to the development of postcoital dysphoria.
Feelings of guilt and shame often become a serious obstacle in relationships, affecting the couple's sexual life.
Depression
In situations where crying after sex occurs on a constant basis, it may be a sign of depression or another mental health disorder.
Here’s a list of additional signs Clinical depression that indicate a depressive disorder:
- constant feelings of anxiety, fatigue, sleep problems;
- irritability and anger;
- anxiety;
- changes in appetite;
- loss of concentration;
- loss of interest in normal activities, including sex.
Postcoital dysphoria is more often observed in women suffering from postpartum depression. Fluctuations in hormone levels lead to constant and rapid mood changes.
Pain
In medicine, a sexual disorder state called dyspareunia Painful intercourse (dyspareunia) is described. A woman experiences discomfort in the pelvic area and external genitals during intercourse. Physical pain during sex can be treated, it's enough to make an appointment with a doctor.
The basis for such a phenomenon can also be psychological. Usually, the reason is negative sexual experiences in previous relationships or dissatisfaction with the current partner.
Experiencing sexual violence or abuse often leads Postcoital Dysphoria: Prevalence and Psychological Correlates to the development of emotional and/or psychological problems, including anxiety about sexual contacts.
What to do if you cry
If you physically feel pain during sex, you need to make an appointment with a doctor. Otherwise, ask yourself a few questions What to do if you cry :
- Did you really cry or just shed a few random tears?
- What were the sensations — emotional or physical?
- What were you thinking when everything started? Did you have anxious thoughts in your head or pleasant ones?
- Do the tears help relieve tension or intensify it?
- Did you relive any offensive event or relationship from your partner?
If the answers indicate physical pleasure and love, there is no need to worry. There is nothing terrible about shedding a few tears or sniffing.
It is much more complicated when your answers indicate emotional problems in bed or relationships. Here are a few recommendations to try:
- Wait some time. Ask yourself the same questions after a few days — this way you can explore your feelings in more detail.
- Talk about the problems with your partner. Working on relationships improves sexual life.
- Talk about sex more often. Discussing your intimate preferences will only be beneficial. Try to share ideas and feelings. There should be as little criticism as possible in such discussions.
It is precisely the attempts to hide your true experiences and emotions that most often become the reason why relationships break down over time.
What to do if your partner is crying
“Am I really that bad?” — thoughts like these arise in most men after they first encounter female tears after sex. You don’t need to immediately think that you did something wrong. There’s a good chance that the woman’s body is currently experiencing a real storm, where many emotions and sensations are mixed.
If your significant other cries after intercourse, do the following:
- Inquire if everything is okay, if you can help with something.
- Under no circumstances belittle or blame your partner.
- Respect the woman's desire to be alone for a while.
- Try to discuss what happened later.
For any person, it is important that their partner is simply nearby. Usually, even this fact already positively influences the situation.
Is this normal and when should you worry
If postcoital dysphoria occurs over a long period, it is worth seeking help from a sexologist.
If the described disorder occurs periodically and does not interfere with your sexual life or relationships with your loved one, there is no need to worry. If negative thoughts or irritability arise after sex, discuss it with your significant other. If you cannot resolve the issue on your own, it makes sense to visit a psychologist or sexologist — they will help you understand the cause of such a phenomenon. Take care of your health in everyday life and visit a doctor if new symptoms appear.
Share in the comments if you have ever experienced the condition described in the article, and how your partner reacted to it?
