How It Works
For representatives of any gender, libido is composed of two parts: mental and physical. The mental aspect is desire, while the physical aspect is arousal, which does not always activate simultaneously. It was previously believed that desire must always precede sexual contact, but according to recent findings by scientists, this is not always the case. At least for women. For them, physical arousal often activates first Exploring patterns of sexual desire‑arousal response in women , and only then comes the psychological feeling of desire.
“Women’s sexual attraction can arise in response to a partner’s actions and is more dependent on context,” says sexologist Teesha Morgan. Her patients report that they often don't think about sex and intimacy until their partner initiates contact (for example, kisses them on the neck). Moreover, sometimes desire may only emerge during sex or even after the first orgasm.
For many women, desire arises in response to pleasant sensations rather than in anticipation of them.
This doesn't happen all the time, but overall, it is a common and completely normal phenomenon. However, not knowing this, many believe that something is wrong with them.
“Receptive attraction occurs when you weren’t really planning on getting aroused, but then a sexual stimulus appears, like your partner starts kissing you,” writes sex education expert Emily Nagoski in her book “What Women Want.” — “You are in a good mood, your body gets turned on, and you think: ‘Oh, right, sex! Good idea! Why not engage in it?’”.
“There can be various reasons for sex,” explains Teesha Morgan. “For example, a woman may want closeness with her partner, want to experience arousal and orgasm, but it doesn’t necessarily mean she is overwhelmed with desire. It may come during the process.”
And sometimes it doesn’t come at all, and that’s normal too.
This is usually attributed to hormones, but that's not entirely accurate. Researchers have proven The endocrinology of sexual arousal that hormones do not significantly influence sexual desire — psychological and emotional factors often outweigh.
This finding is especially important for women after menopause. During this time, when the ovaries stop producing estrogen, many experience issues, but they are usually purely physical in nature (for instance, discomfort or dryness in the vagina). “Studies confirm Sex and the menopausal woman: A critical review and analysis that menopause does not influence desire,” says psychologist Lori Brotto.
However, almost everything else can affect it: medications (especially antidepressants, heart and anticonvulsants), mood, fatigue, stress, long workdays, mess at home, unshaved legs, dissatisfaction with a partner, children running around nearby.
But stress and fatigue are usually at the forefront. “Many women say they are so tired and experience so much stress that they are completely uninterested in sex — even if they want to engage in it and still feel attracted to their partner,” explains Brotto.
Why the perception arose that women have lower libido and why it is incorrect
There are many stereotypes about men and desire. It is believed that they think about sex more often and experience orgasms, that they need more sexual partners, and that their requirements for these partners are lower. Conversely, women are said to need less sex, have fewer spontaneous sexual encounters, and have higher requirements for potential partners.
Such differences are usually explained through the course of evolution. It is argued that males benefit from mating with as many females as possible to spread their genes, while females should focus on one partner who can help her raise offspring. “But this division into ‘indiscriminate males’ and ‘picky females’ is a gross oversimplification,” says evolutionary biologist Kimberly Russell.
In many species, from insects The evolution of polyandry: multiple mating and female fitness in insects and mice Polyandry, sperm competition and reproductive success in mice to birds Cuckoldry as a cost of polyandry in the sex‑role‑reversed wattled jacana, Jacana jacana and primates On the mating system of the cooperatively breeding saddle‑backed tamarin , females mate with more males than necessary for fertilization. This increases their reproductive success: offspring from different fathers are genetically more diverse, and thus have a higher chance of survival. Additionally, two males will bring more food (such a model of raising offspring is common Evolution of polyandry in a communal breeding system in the hairy woodpecker).
It cannot be said that evolution is the cause of women wanting less sex or being limited to fewer partners.
Researchers have debunked Women, Men and the Bedroom all the aforementioned stereotypes about different sexual needs among genders. Attraction is developed in women no less than in men. Moreover, women can become aroused even more frequently. Scientists discovered this by examining Sex Differences in Response to Visual Sexual Stimuli: A Review the physical and psychological response to visual stimuli in both genders.
While heterosexual men became aroused only at the sight of heterosexual sex or when several women were together, women reacted to a larger number of stimuli (including sexual acts between monkeys A sex difference in features that elicit genital response ). “This supports the hypothesis that the female body is tuned to have a high interest in sex due to the evolutionary advantage of mating with different partners,” says Russell.
Interestingly, the responses of most women did not match the readings from physical arousal sensors. Participants reported that they were only interested in heterosexual sex, even though they actually reacted similarly to all stimuli.
According to Russell, this can be explained by how society socializes women. They are instilled with the idea that they need less sex than men and that they should strive for monogamy. They become accustomed to ignoring their arousal, especially in situations considered inappropriate.
The stereotype that women have lower libido is explained by social rather than biological reasons.
Stigmatization of women who openly express sexual desire. The belief that they should primarily think of others' needs rather than their own. Looking even further — double standards that dictate different models of “correct” sexual behavior for men and women.
Is there a norm for desire
It cannot be said: “Since you are a man, you must be this way” or “Since you are a woman, you must be that way.” Each person is unique. You may need less sex than your partner, or conversely, more. Or you and your partner may be aroused by different things. Both are normal. The main thing is to agree on what suits both of you.
When it comes to desire, diversity is the norm.
“As a species, we have a clear and strong desire to find a long-term, reliable partner,” continues Russell. “It is as much a part of our evolutionary history as the desire to have sex with someone other than that partner. Understanding this and accepting the fact that throughout evolution, women have evolved to be very sexually active will help find new ways to combat dissatisfaction with sex life.”
