Public potency
Many aspects of sexual life that became private during the process of civilization were originally public. For example, previously a woman could obtain a divorce only by proving that her husband was impotent. Since the goal of marriage was the birth of children, the church took accusations of infertility seriously.
During court proceedings in the 13th-14th centuries, the penis of a potential impotent was measured: it was believed that the shorter it was, the higher the likelihood that the man was infertile.
Women present at the hearings sometimes even deliberately excited the poor man to see if his member reacted to touch. In the 15th century, a man accused of impotence had to prove his sexual ability in a brothel, in the presence of priests and officials.
According to historians, such a case occurred as early as 1677, when a crowd gathered to watch an aging marquis try to prove his manhood. The marquis claimed he was capable of sexual intercourse, however, according to the subject, the crowd waiting behind the curtains became an obstacle to fulfilling his intention.
Today, male dignity is no longer measured publicly, yet male strength still remains a subject of discussion and idle curiosity. Viagra has written a new chapter in the history of potency: the market for erectile dysfunction medications soared in the 2000s, and they are now used not so much to treat impotence as to improve the quality of sexual intercourse. Even if golf or gardening interests a man far more, he still must fulfill his manly duty — preferably for as long as possible.
In the Middle Ages, due to lack of space in one bed, several people often slept together, including not only relatives but also servants and guests. In the 16th century, rules began to emerge that defined the boundaries of modesty between young men and women.
Thus, Erasmus of Rotterdam wrote that when undressing and getting out of bed, one should remember decency and not expose to outside eyes anything that nature and morality command us to hide. A couple of centuries later, de la Salle emphasized that a man and a woman should not lie down in the same bed if they are not married, and if individuals of different sexes are forced to sleep in the same room, the beds should be separated.
Even marriage did not guarantee privacy, although spouses shared one bed. At the end of the 16th century, the spread of Puritanism in England led to stricter control over morality: this was officially handled by priests, and unofficially by neighbors. The nosy women not only shared information with the curious, revealing all intimate details, but also signaled to churchmen if moral norms were violated.
Common gossip topics included the seduction of maids or the attention-grabbing sexual life of spouses. Neighbors also reported to priests if the husband did not intervene in his wife's love affairs.
Even aristocrats and simply wealthy people at that time could not hide from the eyes of their own servants, who spied on what happened in their masters’ bedrooms. If nobles found themselves in court accused of adultery, witnesses were usually the servants. Thus, one can say that sexual inviolability, as such, did not exist.
In the 17th century, this problem was reflected in architecture: from now on, wealthy people's homes had a separate corridor leading to the bedroom, instead of a suite of rooms, as before. Bedrooms were also placed on upper floors, away from curious servants.
However, it should be noted that in the old class society, awkwardness due to someone observing the most intimate aspects of your life was only felt in the presence of representatives of your own or a higher class.
If people lower than you on the social ladder were nearby, the absence of modesty was regarded towards them as almost a manifestation of sympathy.
Thus, according to della Casa, "certain parts of the body should be kept covered and not exposed... except in the presence of a person you are not ashamed of." A noble gentleman could regard a servant or a friend from a lower class as such, and at that time it was not considered a display of haughty rudeness, but, on the contrary, was seen as an expression of special affection.
Individuals of royal blood and nobility long held the habit of receiving their subordinates in bed before going to sleep or immediately after waking up, as well as when answering nature’s call. One cannot help but wonder: was this not actually a way to demonstrate the difference in status?
After the division of society into classes became less strict, and its members, due to the division of labor, had to interact more with each other, people in higher positions on the social ladder began to feel shame even in the presence of those below them.
Privacy in its current meaning emerged only in the 19th century when home and personal life came to mean approximately the same for all social classes.
In modern culture, those at the "higher" position are people who earn on their publicity, such as actors and other celebrities. Obviously, ordinary people believe that stars do not feel shame when their dirty laundry is aired before the eyes of the honest public: in the media, one of the key subjects is often the sex life of celebrities, as "juicy details" sell well.
Although spying on neighbors is considered perversion today, interest in observing the intimate lives of others has not disappeared. And television has become an aid in this matter, as in many others. […]
In the new millennium, it became clear that public demonstrations of sexuality on television were rapidly gaining momentum — and shedding clothing. A countless number of programs are based on the idea that one should compete almost naked.
For example, viewers are invited to watch how participants in the Dutch reality show "Queens of the Jungle" compete against each other against the backdrop of exotic landscapes, dressed only in tiny bikinis barely covering strategic points.
Sex Outside the Marital Bed
One should not undress or lie down in bed in the presence of other people, especially this applies to representatives of the opposite sex with whom you are not married. It is unacceptable for different-sex people to sleep in the same bed, unless they are small children. However, if you are forced, due to circumstances, to share a bed with a person of your sex, for example during travel, you should remember that it is improper to lie so close to the person that you can touch or disturb them, and even less proper to throw a leg over them.
In the Middle Ages, pre-marital sexual relations were common, as were affairs. Thus, medieval morality required not genuine purity from a person, but only adherence to formal rules. One should also avoid actions that could lead to public disgrace. This means one could enjoy life, the main thing being to do it in secret.
Thus, chivalric romance suggested that extramarital relations were the only way to love truly. However, André Capellanus in his treatise "On the Science of Courtly Love" emphasizes that it is improper to ruin another's relationship or take as a mistress a woman you do not intend to marry.
However, marriage did not fall within the concept of love for a knight. According to Capellanus, lawful husband and wife were incapable of truly loving one another, and thus marriage could not be a reason to deny oneself the joy of loving someone else. Capellanus did not directly urge for adultery, however, a true knight needed at least to know how to flirt.
In practice, however, knights rarely had the opportunity to give in to their instincts. Unmarried young women from the upper class were tightly guarded, fearing disgrace: if a young woman participated in public celebrations, she always had an older companion who strictly guarded her protégée's honor; ladies traveled only accompanied by a group of attendants, with all movements taking place in a tightly closed carriage. The fear that someone would seduce an honorable woman was too great.
Thus, Robert of Blois in the 13th century compiled a guide "The Rules of Good Behavior for Women" (Chastoiement des dames) — a collection of etiquette advice, in which he advised women not to exhibit excessive friendliness toward men, except their own husbands. Only he could embrace his wife.
In turn, the husband's interest in other women was interpreted strictly from a male point of view. According to the knight Geoffroi de la Tour Landry, a wife should not be jealous, even if her husband gave her cause for it. A well-bred woman should also not show anger and wounded pride. Medieval etiquette manuals emphasize that a wife should not show her jealousy or ask her husband about affairs. Authors of some handbooks also offered similar advice to husbands.
If you are jealous, do not be so foolish as to let your wife feel it, for if the wife notices signs of jealousy, she will do everything to worsen your situation a thousand times. Therefore, my son, one should adopt a wise position on this matter.
In the Middle Ages, manifestations of sexuality among the common people were demonstrated openly and uncontrollably. Villagers did not hide extramarital affairs, and a man could openly keep a mistress. Discipline in matters of sex was considered simply laughable, and satirical books of that time often depicted the clergy as the biggest libertines. The reason for such mockery is that it was precisely the priests mired in debauchery who composed rules of sexual behavior for the common people.
Men should not be allowed to fondle breasts, as this is permitted only to the lawful husband; the same applies to kisses. One should not boast of one's success with the opposite sex, for this is dangerous. It is improper to wear overly revealing dresses or to twist in the place where you sit.
The behavior of the common folk is well illustrated by this detail: when a man wanted to express sympathy for a woman he had just met, he would, without ceremony, grab her breast. Etiquette advice from the Renaissance warns ladies not to allow men to touch them too often on the breast, as this might lead to overly familiar relations.
Especially shamelessly, sexuality was manifested in the Middle Ages in public bathhouses, where both men and women spent time. A medieval saying speaks volumes: "For a barren woman, there is no place better than the bathhouse: if the bath does not help, the visitors surely will."
Despite the fact that such establishments also offered their services to prostitutes, bathing was not regarded as something shameful, and visits to bathhouses were practiced by representatives of all classes, completely openly.
Nothing was hidden, including from children: in medieval chronicles and etiquette manuals, one can even find instructions forbidding six-year-old children to spend money on whores. Even Erasmus of Rotterdam provides recommendations in his book on how children should treat prostitution.
Medieval advice, including those written in a cautionary tone, sometimes appeared extremely straightforward, as we can see by reading an excerpt from the "Book of the Civilized Man," written in England in the 13th century:
If carnal desires overwhelm you while you are young, and if your penis leads you to a prostitute, still choose not the usual street whore; empty your balls as quickly as possible and leave.
Even in the 16th century, visits to brothels were a common occurrence, however, old men and rich people who visited houses of tolerance were looked down upon: such establishments were intended for young men who had not yet earned enough money to marry, while older ones already had enough wealth to acquire a lawful wife.
Madams of brothels reported to city authorities if older men frequently used their services. Thus, society attempted to relieve the tension that arose between two age groups (young and poor people were sympathized with), as well as reduce the number of rapes committed by youth: at that time, this crime was quite widespread.
In the 16th century, the Reformation created new standards of decent behavior, which led to changes in social conduct, especially in England and Switzerland. Various shameful punishments were devised for unfaithful spouses, and in Basel, for example, adulterers were outright exiled. In Great Britain, up until the 1660s, authorities had the right to break into houses without warning if they suspected that adultery was taking place behind closed doors.
Infidelity in relationships in Western countries is still universally condemned: despite the fact that in the 1960s, the hippie movement became widely known in pop culture for promoting ideals of free love, there are not so many advocates of free relationships today.
Infidelity remains the main cause of divorces, although sometimes in the pages of yellow newspapers, cheaters are often sought to be understood and justified by lifestyle gurus. A twisted double standard flourishes on television screens — where else.
For example, in the popular reality show "Temptation Island," participating couples are taken to an exotic island, where a group of seductive beauties and hot machos awaits them. After this, the viewer is left to wonder who will be the first to fall victim to temptation. Or, to call a spade a spade, who will be the first to dare to cheat.
An informative, useful, and amusing book by Finnish writers and researchers Ari Turunen and Markus Partanen, "Only After You. A World History of Good Manners," provides answers to questions concerning historically established norms of behavior in society.
Find out why the youth is always disliked by the older generation, why it is improper to greet a person relieving themselves, why it was once considered shameful to remain faithful to a partner, and other curious things.
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