To experience more pleasure from sex and be sure of your partner's comfort, forget about these things.
1. Silence
The more we talk about sex, the more often it becomes clear that the participants may have almost diametrically opposite views on the intimacy that has already occurred.
Unless it is about traumatic and unwanted sex, both should generally be able to express their feelings and expect to be heard. So, speak up. Of course, both should do this, but in a heterosexual couple, it is implied that the active role will be assigned to the man. And often both partners expect that this man will know how to satisfy both without words.
But people cannot read minds. Waiting for a miracle in silence is not an option.
An adequate partner will hear your desire and will likely try to argue that hundreds of his previous partners climaxed from that 40 times a night. In that case, send him to those exes and remind him that it needs to be different with you.
2. Criticizing
Yes, forbidden phrases are evil, but criticism in bed implies a dismissive, sharp, and rude tone. If something doesn't suit you, you want to stop the process, you realized you missed the orgasm, your leg has gone numb — say it directly.
Your partner may be upset and ask what he is doing wrong. You will need to be patient and state that he is not to blame, it's just that your leg has gone numb and you lost the orgasm. You are ready to continue in this way or to help your partner climax, but you no longer want to move in that direction.
3. Getting offended by your partner's words
Don't take a defensive stance from your partner's comments. Yes, you may be feeling very good right now, and you want to finish. Or you have already orgasmed and want to bring your partner to that point. But if this partner wants to stop — stop.
This does not mean that you are a terrible lover. It means that your partner wants to slow down or change positions. If you both respect each other, then the process after a stop phrase will be just fine.
Your partner can help you finish in another way that personally does not traumatize him and does not require him to "just endure." And there are dozens of such methods, don’t get fixated on vaginal sex.
4. Ignoring pain
If you feel pain during some activity — do not endure. Tell your partner about it. If you only feel pain from penetrative sex but generally want to continue — there are a huge number of options for other interactions.
Pain is an abnormal reaction. Try to find out its cause with a doctor.
If your partner says he is in pain, then stop immediately. There is no need to persuade him to continue, to endure or to suggest “What if I do it this way?”. You will figure out later what is the optimal continuation for your partner, but right now you need to stop.
If your partner is willing to continue but in another way — do not insist on your own. Most often, vaginal and anal penetrations with a penis cause pain. If that’s your case — then the penis should not enter those openings today, and you and your partner can engage in alternative practices.
5. Ignoring your partner's indifference
Passivity does not equal indifference. If you are enthusiastically caressing some part of your partner's body and he is not catching his breath and is lying completely still, it means it does not excite him.
He may be silent for various reasons. For example, he sees that you are enjoying yourself and does not want to deprive you of that. But sex works both ways, and it's more logical if partners are engaged in exciting each other, rather than self-exciting through you.
6. Worrying about orgasm
There is no need to consider orgasm as the final and mandatory point of sex. Especially as the point that concludes intimacy.
In fact, for an orgasm, a certain number of frictions in a specific place is usually required, and sometimes it takes almost 10 seconds. Most people achieve orgasm faster through masturbation, so a partner is not really needed for that.
Sex is about intimacy and pleasure, and orgasm is just one of its components.
If you listen to each other and are ready to change techniques and movements at your partner's first request, then both are likely to climax anyway. And don’t fixate on your orgasm, as it will most likely lead to the opposite.
Do not fake orgasm. Do not get offended by your partner’s words that he did not have an orgasm — all these are normal components of sex. Though it may be incredibly difficult to talk about and hear, it will help you understand each other better in the future.
7. Being shy to voice your desires
If you want to try something new, do not hesitate to suggest it to your partner. But it will be more appropriate for everyone if the request sounds like this: “I want to be tied up and spanked,” rather than, “I really want to insert an anal plug into you.”
In the first case, you voice your desire and place the responsibility for its realization and your comfort on the other. If you ask for some action, then at least you are ready to try, at most — it will be very pleasant for you.
In the second case, you ask your partner to do something with him and take on the responsibility for his comfort. And a person who is going to do something new for him is less likely to enjoy it unless you guessed his secret desire.
If you still opted for the second option, stick to the simple rule: if you ask a girl about an anal plug — be ready to try it on yourself first. You can only accurately calculate the intensity and force of the impact if you understand what your partner is feeling during that.
8. Using aromatic wax candles as a sex toy
Just don’t do that. It almost always results in burns and allergic reactions.
9. Having sex with people just because you decided they wanted it
People don’t want sex 24/7. Here’s an experiment as proof where three couples had to have sex every day for a month. They felt bad.
If someone has entered your apartment — they do not necessarily want sex. When a person decides whether he wants intimacy at that moment, the personal characteristics of the partner play almost the least role. Sex is not about maintaining your self-confidence.
Moreover, sex is not always about sympathy. If this is your regular partner, it is logical to assume that you like each other, but you may still not want sex.
If your plans involve bringing a person to orgasm, it’s helpful to remember that a relaxed mind is needed for that. A person who is thinking about how much he wants to be there during the frictions won’t be able to relax. And then for you, it will be masturbation, while for the other, it will be bad sex.
10. Having sex with an intoxicated person
Whether any sex while drunk or high is considered violent is a very sensitive question in the Russian Internet. No, it is not, if both are in the same state: there is little that can disturb them.
But more often than not, one of the partners is better able to control themselves. And it's easy to check: the person who brought the other back to the apartment is in a more adequate state, and he is responsible for the safety of the one he took home.
In such a situation, one life hack may come in handy. If you are facing an intoxicated person and want to have sex with him — ask yourself whether you would trust him to drive your car right now. If not, then you should not have sex with him either.
