Sex should be safe and at least comfortable, so important questions need to be discussed beforehand. Some topics have nothing to do with romance, while others can ruin everything, but there’s no option — some issues need to be clarified before taking off the underwear.
1. Are we going to have sex now?
Or phrase the question differently, but only to hear an unequivocal "yes" in response. Just to avoid any misunderstandings.
2. Do you have a condom with you?
We live in a country where a higher percentage of the population is infected with HIV. We have millions infected with hepatitis B and C. The first time with a new partner — no hormonal pills, no withdrawal method, no candles, and no lemon wedges. That is, all this can be used (except for lemon), but only in addition to condoms.
Even if the newbie shows a certificate obtained yesterday, that’s not an option. The incubation period for the same HIV infection lasts several months, meaning he could have been infected a couple of weeks ago, and the tests still won't detect the virus.
You can trust certificates only from regular blood donors, who have to be constantly tested for HIV, hepatitis, and syphilis. But a regular donor, in theory, should insist on using condoms with a new partner.
By the way, there can also be a latex allergy, so a person allergic to latex should have non-latex protection on hand.
3. Who goes to the shower first?
When desire takes over, there's no time to think about any shower. But, hand on heart, it's exactly the first sex with a new partner that sometimes reveals completely the opposite of what we would like to know about a person. There is a difference between honest hard-earned sweat after a dance party and underwear that's a week fresh.
Maybe it's better to shower?
4. Is this just sex, or something more?
Some believe that after sex it's not necessary to get to know each other, while for others, sex automatically means plans for three children and a silver wedding. There are hundreds of gradations between these options.
Let's say one partner sees sex as a test: whether to continue the relationship or if it's not going to work because things didn't click in bed. The other partner thinks that sex only happens when something is already connected, meaning the couple is together for the long term.
If after sex it turns out that partners evaluate the event differently, then the pleasure will be forgotten, while the troubles will remain.
5. What are we going to do?
Well, at least roughly decide what you will be doing. At a minimum — what you definitely will not be doing. If the partner thinks that anal sex is as ordinary as vaginal, and positions from a porn film are the most convenient and natural, then sex turns into a dangerous activity.
Or are you ready for oral sex, if the partner responds in kind, but he doesn’t intend to put in any effort. That’s unpleasant too.
Better, of course, to say what you are really expecting: slow sex with tenderness and for the whole night, experiments and passion, or just planning to relieve tension.
6. Who are we going to tell about this?
Personal space boundaries are different for everyone. Some describe their escapades on Telegram channels, detailing special features of all partners to the point that they can be recognized in a morgue. Some film videos (and it’s unknown where they might end up). And some shyly stay silent and won’t spill even during a heartfelt conversation with friends and a bottle.
Sex involves at least two people, and if a partner does not like to put their sex life on display, just respect their wishes.
Agree on what kind of mention is acceptable: “I don't talk about this,” “We are in a relationship,” “Something happened,” or “Do you know what he was doing in that position?”. And do not break the agreements, even if you are only telling your best friends and in strict confidence.
