What happened?
In early October, the authorities of California equated California makes it illegal to remove condom without consent / Associated Press stealthing, that is, the secret removal of a condom during sexual intercourse, to sexual violence. The perpetrator will now be prosecuted under the law. California became the first state to clarify the composition of the crime and its responsibility.
For Russia, this term is quite new, but the phenomenon is not. It is widely discussed on forums — by both victims and those who practice stealthing. For obvious reasons, it is difficult to provide examples: discussions about sex usually involve words that media punishes. Nevertheless, it is still worth understanding the issue.
What is stealthing? Will they punish for sex without a condom?
The term "stealthing" comes from the English language. The word stealthing literally means "stolen item." However, it does not relate to kleptomania. By secretly removing a condom, a person is rather stealing a sense of security from their partner. After all, the partner believes they are engaging in protected sex according to the agreements. They only notice the absence of the condom when the contact is finished. And face the consequences.
At the same time, if sex without a condom occurs by mutual consent, it is not considered stealthing. In intimacy, all practices are normal — as long as all participants are aware of what is happening and are ready for it. The problem with stealthing lies precisely in the fact that one partner secretly removes the condom, knowing that the other would not approve of it.
It's just removing a condom. What's the tragedy?
Stealthing has many negative consequences. Primarily for the receiving partner. But it can also "ricochet" back to the aggressor.
Sexually transmitted infections
The consequence of unprotected sex can Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs) / WHO be syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydia, human papillomavirus, herpes, hepatitis B, HIV, and other diseases. Some of them are successfully treated, while others become chronic.
At the same time, both the victim and the aggressor can contract a venereal bouquet. Engaging in unprotected sex is ultimately dangerous, even if partners have tested and shown each other certificates. First, not all diseases manifest immediately. Second, not everyone maintains fidelity.
According to official data Incidence of socially significant diseases in the population / Rosstat , in 2019 (more recent statistics have not yet been published) 22 thousand people contracted syphilis, 55 thousand contracted trichomoniasis, and 80 thousand learned of a positive HIV status. This is quite a lot even for such a large country as Russia.
By the way, if a person knew they were sick, did not inform their partner, and infected them — including by removing the condom — they can be held accountable in Russia as well. For transmitting a venereal disease, they may be punished Criminal Code of the Russian Federation Article 121. Infection with a venereal disease with a fine, compulsory or corrective labor, or arrest. For infecting with HIV, one can receive Criminal Code of the Russian Federation Article 122. HIV Infection a sentence of up to five years.
Unintended pregnancy
Unprotected sex can lead to pregnancy, which puts the woman before a choice: abortion or childbirth. But both can be dangerous The comparative safety of legal induced abortion and childbirth in the United States / Obstetrics and gynecology to health, and sometimes end in death. The risks in both cases are not too great, but they exist. When a woman plans for pregnancy, she takes them into account and agrees to them. In the case of stealthing, the partner essentially steals from her the opportunity to dispose of her own body.
Psychological trauma
In countries where cases of stealthing are considered in courts, it is equated Man Convicted of Rape After Removing Condom During Sex Without Consent / Vice to sexual violence. Stealthing is coercion to an unwanted sexual practice by deceit. If the victim had initially known the conditions of the contact, she would most likely have simply not agreed to it.
Victims of stealthing feel deceived, humiliated, used. Sexual violence can Preventing Sexual Violence / CDC lead to depression, mental disorders, and even suicide, and also undermines trust in people and basic sense of safety.
Why secretly remove a condom at all? Can't we just agree?
Any violence, including sexual violence, is not so much about sex as it is about power. Stealthing, just like, for example, attempts to knock someone out and rape them in their sleep, is a desire to gain control over the situation.
The aggressor may prove to himself that "this is how he is a male, spreading his seed." Or he may intentionally attempt for the woman to become pregnant against her will and give birth because he believes that way she won’t go anywhere. Or simply violate agreements because he considers his desires more important.
The point is that the partner, in this case, is not perceived as an equal and valuable person, their opinion is not taken into account. Therefore, a person practicing stealthing may feel their superiority.
How to prevent stealthing?
The only guaranteed way is to not secretly remove a condom without the partner’s knowledge. Because the best prevention of violence can come from the perpetrator.
This sounds strange because it is too simple: to prevent murders, don’t kill; to prevent violence — don’t commit violence. But only at first glance. Stealthing lies in a gray zone, and not everyone sees that something is wrong. If it is clearly perceived by society as violence, this can change the situation — and legislation. For example, in California, responsibility for stealthing was introduced after several years of active discussions.
It is difficult to talk about how a victim can protect themselves. Removing a condom is an instantaneous act. And checking every second to ensure the contraceptive is in place is impossible — it would hinder relaxation. The hypocritical recommendations to engage in sex only after five years of holding hands, when you know each other well, are also ruled out. At least because the perpetrators of sexual violence are not just strangers in alleys; that is a myth. They can also be long-term partners from whom you expect nothing bad.
But some measures can at least help a little:
- Discuss all terms of sex in advance. This includes mandatory condom use to leave no loopholes for "I didn't know that was not allowed."
- Watch for other boundary violations. Most likely, the person also disregards opinions and uses trickery to achieve their goals in other areas.
- Use textured condoms. If fear is significant, you can choose a contraceptive with a ribbed surface or dots. They will be felt.
What should victims of stealthing do?
Believe your feelings
Stealthing is in a gray zone, and it is easy to succumb to persuasion and stop trusting yourself. Maybe nothing terrible really happened? Maybe I’m exaggerating? Your emotions are normal. If you feel uncomfortable, vulnerable, you have a reason for it. Just as you have a reason to be angry with the aggressor and cease all communication with them.
Don't blame yourself
Violence is the choice of the perpetrator. It did not happen because the victim provoked it in some way or failed to recognize the aggressor in advance. It’s just that he, for some reason, decided he could do that.
See a gynecologist or urologist
It is worth checking for sexually transmitted infections. And a woman should also determine if she is pregnant.
Go to a psychologist
People experience violence differently. Some can cope on their own, but many need help. Psychologists exist to help in such situations.
