We want sex and are afraid to lose it. However, we often behave in ways that leave no room for real intimacy in our lives.
1. The lie about true desires
Few people can speak freely about their sexual preferences and oddities. Deep down, we fear disapproval and condemnation from society. Sex is an intimate affair, but it is surrounded by a fence of stereotypes. Feelings of guilt due to "abnormality," phobias, indifference, disgust, and neuroses create a vicious circle and gradually destroy sex.
Sharing true desires is difficult even with a very close partner. There is always a fear of being misunderstood.
“Good girls don’t do that. Good boys don’t think about that.”
What happens in the bedroom, in this confessional of sex, should become an act of utmost recognition and encouragement.
2. The urge to follow the rules
Why are fantasies about sex with nurses and flight attendants so popular? Because sex with a person in uniform breaks the rules and shatters stereotypes. Every day we are forced to be right and good: to exercise in the mornings, eat healthy oatmeal, and be friendly with colleagues. For the sake of "normalcy," sexual desires are suppressed.
From time to time, it is useful to be unpredictable and irrational in sex. The talk is not about making love during the day on a playground. It is enough not to box yourself in and allow for little mischief in the bedroom. Or any other place where no one can see you. Sexual daring provides an invaluable sense of personal power.
3. Marriage
Biological fact: married couples experience a decrease in sexual attraction and frequency of sex. Married people find it difficult to change routines: this is the everyday life, while this is eroticism and sex. Psychologists believe that marriage and raising children are no different from managing a small business. In other words, married couples, after coming home from work, continue to administer and solve problems, only now in their home slippers and bathrobes. Hence the desire to avoid sex, so as not to lose their business mindset and not forget about what still remains undone.
Openness in discussing the most delicate issues, periodic shortening and lengthening of the distance between partners, and a desire to try new things, fantasize, and expand the horizons of sensuality will save sexual life in marriage. There is no need to be shy about seeking professional help from a sexologist or family psychologist if necessary.
Couples should also work on evening conversations. Paying bills and plans for the weekend is great. But while the kids are sleeping, we can talk about plans for tonight and finally put on a nurse's costume and play a sex clinic.
4. “Not today, dear”
This is not just a phrase, it is a blow to the solar plexus. Rejections from one spouse affect the other more destructively than rejections from strangers. They undermine self-esteem and wound the heart. After all, we decided to share our lives with this person, and he has a headache again. That means he no longer finds us attractive.
5. A pigsty in the kitchen
Dishes piled up in the sink, crumbs on the table, and burnt pans on the stove can kill anyone's desire to have sex. Cohabiting couples share domestic life, and along with it come domestic problems like the timing of taking out the trash or cleaning up after the cat.
It is not easy to be together, and it requires learning as well. Finding compromises, sharing grievances and doubts, and negotiating household rules.
