Sex experts debunk popular myths about libido and explain in detail what sexual desire really is.
1. Libido is a bit more complicated than ordinary sexual desire
Sometimes people have no desire, but physically they can have sex, and sometimes there is a lot of desire, but the body does not respond. Both situations happen constantly and are absolutely normal.
People often do not understand that libido consists of two parts: mental (desire) and physical (arousal). And they do not always work in tandem.
2. There is no such thing as a "normal" libido
Many believe that desire should arise spontaneously. But we are all different, all our bodies are different. Therefore, there is no concept of a normal level of sexual desire. It can be spontaneous, but often arises during stimulation. Moreover, sometimes it takes significant effort to achieve the right mindset.
3. Trying to maintain an "ideal" libido can harm self-esteem
This point logically follows from the previous one. Since there is no concept of a norm for libido, high or low sexual desire or its absence are equally normal. People who are worried about the mismatch between their desire level and a mythical ideal face self-esteem and sex problems.
4. If your partner's libido is lower than yours, it doesn't mean they don't want you
It is easy to fall into the toxic thought that whenever you feel like it and your partner does not, it indicates their cooling off. In reality, a person may simply have a lower level of libido. This has nothing to do with your attractiveness. It’s better to accept this fact; otherwise, relationships in bed will become complicated and confusing.
5. Libido can change for medical reasons
Anything related to circulation, hormones, physical pain, or discomfort can affect libido levels. Among medical reasons are medications (antidepressants, contraceptive pills), psychological and chronic conditions, such as diabetes or polycystic ovary syndrome.
If you notice a sudden change in libido, it is a serious reason to see a doctor.
6. Everyday factors can also affect libido
According to Raquel Dardik, there are many studies that prove that a wide variety of factors can influence the level of sexual desire. The most common one is stress.
The higher the level of stress in women, the lower their libido. It can also change due to work schedule or food preferences.
If the desire suddenly disappeared, this is a good reason to analyze what changes in your life have happened recently.
7. Libido can change with age
The body and brain change as one grows up, so libido also does not stand still. For example, Dardik notes that during menopause, women experience changes in vaginal tissue, so sex can become painful. This is a simple reason for decreased desire.
8. Libido is not related to gender stereotypes
There are many destructive stereotypes about sex and gender. For example, that men always want sex, while women do not. Or that if a woman has a high libido, it is abnormal; she should be ashamed.
In reality, things are not like that. The level of desire is not related to gender. But people under the influence of stereotypes may start to think that something is wrong with them.
9. Libido does not equal orgasm
Sexual desire is not a guarantee of orgasm, notes Levkoff. It is quite possible that in the middle of the process, a person gets distracted or experiences discomfort, and then the path to the finish can become too long. If it is not blocked at all.
Moreover, it is quite possible to have sex with orgasm even if it started without much desire.
10. Libido is not related to negative sexual experiences
If you have had a negative or inappropriate sexual experience, it does not say anything about your libido. That is why it is so important to know what you like and do not like. Then you will be able to find out what you want with a specific partner.
Logan LevkoffIf you have low libido and not the best sexual experience with a partner, all this is unlikely to help you want it more. Conversely, amazing sexual moments experienced with a person can ignite you, even if you were initially not in the mood.
11. If you want to increase libido, first understand why
Sometimes the desire to increase libido is related to a partner's higher needs, and sometimes it is related to personal experiences. The reasons are different, so they need to be addressed differently.
Raquel DardikI recommend people to consult a therapist or sex consultant to address libido-related issues. Most often, they are in the head.
12. You can notice changes in libido if you know your characteristics and desires
To determine the standard level of libido, you need to know your sexual desires well. How often do you get aroused? How often do you masturbate? Only by having this information can you notice some changes and seek help if necessary.
