The global Durex survey in 2014 revealed something curious: in Russia, people have sex often, but poorly. 80% of participants stated that sexual encounters happen once a week or more — based on this indicator, our country took an honorable third place (after Greece and Brazil). However, Russia did not make it to the list of countries where people are satisfied with their sex lives.
Actually, bad sex can be beneficial because it helps you understand what you don’t like and what not to do. So it’s not a disaster yet. But if a “mediocre experience” becomes a routine, then that's a nightmare. Especially for long-term couples who have long "overcome" their initial mutual passion.
How do happy monogamous partners manage to keep the spice alive? Researchers have identified the main rules and habits:
Better less, but better
Over time, there will be less sex — that’s normal. But its quality must increase. Satisfied partners don't have any nostalgia for the “good old days”; rather, they say: “How sad that we didn't try this 15 years ago!”. Over the years, they become more experienced and liberated lovers.
More shameless every year
Happy couples are open to experimentation and eager to discover new aspects of passion. They enthusiastically try things that others don’t allow themselves due to shyness and indecision. Gradually, their intimate experiences become increasingly excitingly inappropriate. Moreover, a huge role here is played by a positive perception of their naked bodies and the enjoyment of their own sexuality.
“Anywhere, anytime”
Mastering new techniques and sex toys is, of course, great. But if you limit love play to just the bedroom, it will eventually turn into a “pen.” However, spontaneous sex in an unusual place can provide even sharper sensations than other experiments (and we're not talking, of course, about shocking grandmothers in the park).
From couples' confessions:
“Our main rule is that any place and time (within the law) is suitable for sex. It’s very exciting because some boring lunch at someone’s house can end with hot sex in the bathroom.”
“We can have sex anywhere, anytime. It’s not a problem for us to wake up at 3 AM for a moment in the shower. Then we return to bed again.”
Masturbating in front of your partner
Here’s another inappropriate secret of long-lasting passion. Hot lovers say it ignites desire more than when you masturbate alone. And sexologists add that masturbation during sex helps explore each other better and enhances mutual attachment.
“By watching how you touch yourself, your partner gets valuable hints on how to please you. He or she becomes more actively involved in the process, and you can control the level of your arousal and closeness to climax.”
Not fixating on orgasm
Surprise, surprise: although for good lovers a strong orgasm is a mutual goal, focusing solely on that makes sex boring. When you know exactly what caresses and movements can bring you there, you tend to follow a learned script. Sexologists also recommend not to focus on orgasm, because otherwise, you risk losing the true pleasure from the process itself.
Making fantasies a reality
Couples who are satisfied with their sex lives are characterized by generosity — they’re interested in each other’s fantasies and are willing to try them, even if it means stepping out of their comfort zones (of course, within reason). They view fulfilling their partner’s desires not as an obligation but as an exciting game.
After all, you never know what might unexpectedly give you sharp enjoyment.
Not being afraid to be funny
Sex isn’t always steamy — a lot of amusing and silly moments can happen, including involuntary embarrassing sounds during the process. Many feel shy, freeze, start to justify themselves, or even become genuinely upset. But happy people together handle such situations with humor, and this further connects them.
In the words of a professor of psychiatry: “Laughter is a great aphrodisiac. Couples who leave tension outside the bedroom and enjoy sex as a joyful refuge from reality end up being much happier than those who are afraid to seem funny.”
