Psychotherapist and sexologist Vanessa Marin talked about the main things that will help you fulfill your desires.

1. Don't rush

Motivators from the internet encourage you to think less, do more, and generally step out of your comfort zone. But it’s not worth falling for this when it comes to sexual fantasies. Give yourself time to think and decide how comfortable you feel, to get in the right mood.

This is especially necessary if your relationship with your partner has just started and trust between you is just beginning to develop.

2. Be open

Even if a fantasy has been with you for many years, just talking about it can be difficult. The most innocent desires sometimes embarrass and put you in an awkward position, as their very existence makes you vulnerable. A lot of questions arise: how will the partner react to this? What if they laugh? Will they think I’m a pervert? It’s especially difficult with fantasies you’re not sure about yourself.

It’s important to remind yourself that your desires matter, and exploring them is one of the central aspects of understanding your own sexuality. Don’t forget that you should also approach your partner's fantasies openly, trying to think them through.

To share sexual scenarios from your mind takes courage. And the fact that someone shares this information with you speaks of trust.

3. Fantasize during masturbation

One of the simplest ways to check whether you like this fantasy personally is to play it out during masturbation. Find a suitable video or immediately engage your imagination. The moment of truth will come when you include yourself in the sexual scenario. It may turn out that the fantasy looks attractive from the outside, but there’s no place for you in it.

If the scenario successfully passes the test, you can think about bringing it to life.

4. Start with dirty talk

Dirty talk is a good foreplay in itself, allowing you to see how you feel about the next step. In a heated correspondence or conversation, discuss your actions as if you have already begun to implement the sexual scenario. Describe what you are wearing, where you are, and what you are doing.

An uninhibited conversation will either make you want more or make it clear that the idea looks attractive only in your head.

It is also possible that you will only stop at dirty talk, satisfied with this way of heating your sex life. For example, monogamous couples can talk about a threesome as a prelude while maintaining physical fidelity to each other.

5. Take small steps

If the fantasy passed the tests of masturbation and dirty talk, it’s time to bring it into reality. But don’t rush and try to execute the entire operation at once. Instead of jumping into a deep well, descend into it step by step.

Try to determine what you and your partner like about the fantasy. Play with the central element without executing the entire scenario.

6. Identify your fears

If you feel nervous at the thought of fulfilling your fantasy, consider what exactly causes the anxiety, at what point something could go wrong. Once you have identified the problem, think about how you can transform the scenario to avoid facing it.

For example, the thought of sex in a place where you might get caught turns you on. But you really worry that a stranger might see you naked. In this case, you can start with a locked room in a public place.

7. Put safety first

Safety and care for the partner are important factors in traditional sex, but their importance doubles when implementing fantasies. All participants should have the ability to unambiguously communicate physical and psychological discomfort and immediately exit the process.

Pay special attention to fantasies involving domination and submission, where discomfort for one of the parties is part of the game.

Thus, a fantasy about rape has very little in common with real rape, because in her head the "victim" rigidly controls the "aggressor," making him act in her interests. Therefore, in such games, there should be safe words that need to be reacted to immediately.

And, of course, disinfect all toys and equipment and read the instructions for them.

8. Consider the worst-case scenario

Imagine in advance what the unfortunate implementation of a sexual fantasy might mean for your relationship. In some cases, you will realize that it does not threaten anything serious: you will just try something you do not like. For example, after two whacks with a belt, the partner might say, “Hey, this isn’t exciting at all!” — and you will simply forget about that episode.

In other cases, the stakes may be higher. Special risks are involved in games involving third-party participants. One partner may become cold simply upon seeing their half's special enthusiasm directed not at them. They may become cold not only to the realization of the fantasy but also to their beloved. In that case, you might plan a visit to a psychologist specializing in such matters, who can help identify potential reactions before it's too late.

9. Don't push

The implementation of a sexual scenario can either be enjoyable or not. And that’s okay. Therefore, it’s worth discussing with your partner in advance that either of you, even the initiator, has the right to stop the process, as the fantasy has ultimately turned into a pumpkin. And even if everything went well, you are not obliged to introduce a new practice into your sexual life on a permanent basis.

Also, don’t forget that you both have the right to refuse to realize each other's fantasies.

Your partner must have the right to choose. Persuasion, manipulation, ultimatums, and direct pressure deprive them of this right and create violence in the relationship.

Preliminary agreements will help maintain trust and share sexual fantasies with each other in the future, even if something goes wrong with this particular one.