1. Drink in moderation
I won't surprise anyone by saying that alcohol relaxes the mind, loosens the tongue, and spreads the legs, but here it's important not to overdo it. Of course, getting drunk to the point of uncontrollable targeted vomiting is not worth it, regardless of whether you plan on having sex; I'm talking about something else.
A good dose of alcohol in the blood (on average: if coordination is noticeably impaired — you're already there) negatively affects erection (it's harder to achieve, harder to maintain), slows down vaginal lubrication, and reduces sensitivity for both sexes. Achieving orgasm will be harder, if it even deigns to appear.
The explanation here is simple: alcohol is a depressant, and it figuratively prevents your central nervous system and genitals from agreeing.
2. Straighten your back
This video explains very well how body posture affects your psychological state.
Try not to slouch. A hunched posture increases cortisol levels (the stress hormone) and decreases testosterone levels (a hormone that affects many things, including libido for both sexes, sperm formation, erection, and blood flow to the clitoris). So, if you were looking for an additional reason to sitting up straight and pulling back your shoulders, consider this it.
3. Get yourself in shape
No, I'm not saying everyone needs to be thin. I'm not thin. Just the combination of “too much fat and too little physical activity” spoils all areas of your life, with sex being not the least. If you ever experienced shortness of breath and pain in your abdominal muscles (for example, in the missionary position for men) or legs (in the cowgirl position) in the middle of a night of love, it's time to change something.
Obesity negatively affects the condition and patency of blood vessels, which means that blood flow to the penis will be impaired (read: erection can become a problem), not to mention the psychological aspect — if you are dissatisfied with your body, enjoying anything, including intimacy, will be harder (see point 7).
4. Keep your feet warm
Grandma was right. A study conducted in the UK a few years ago demonstrated an amazing connection between the likelihood of a woman’s orgasm and warm socks on her feet. Ladies whose feet were warm reached orgasm on average in 80% of cases, while their barefoot counterparts only in 50%.
No additional research has been conducted to determine the cause of this correlation, but there are theories suggesting it has to do with the feeling of physical and psychological comfort. It's generally not hard to believe: any sexologist will tell you that relaxation and a sense of security are essential conditions for a woman’s pleasure in bed.
5. Finally, quit smoking
Among men with erectile dysfunction, smokers (including former ones) are twice as likely as those who have never had such a habit. This also has to do with blood vessels — they narrow, and these changes can become permanent. This is not to mention other effects of smoking, so there are certainly reasons to quit, not only for men.
6. Masturbate without fanaticism
In American sexology, there's the concept of death grip. This is when a man holds onto his penis during masturbation as if it were the last bottle of his favorite beer that is about to be discontinued.
Many men have become accustomed to bringing themselves to orgasm this way. It's a kind of “quick orgasm formula,” which is fine in itself, but it can interfere with enjoying other ways. A vagina (even with very trained muscles) or a woman's mouth simply cannot replicate such a trick.
There are many ways to deal with this. You can gradually reduce pressure. You can try new techniques. You can simply go without orgasms for a while and observe your body's reaction to softer touches after a break.
It's hard, of course, but all men of post-pubescent age know that an erection is a replenishable resource and that missing a couple without an inevitable ejaculation at the end will do no harm to your body.
7. Get to know your body
This is more about women, though certainly not only about them. If during sex you think about how your breasts look in this position and how to curve so that the folds on your stomach are not visible, you can forget about orgasm. Even if your partner is a sex god in flesh, if you psychologically detach from your own body and are not ready (read: believe you have no right) to enjoy — nothing will happen.
Insecurities are terrible enemies of your sexuality. They are little gremlins that will hold you back (“don't do that, what will he think?”), make it hard to loosen up (“you are too fat/thin/ugly”), and inject stupid, disgusting, moment-breaking fantasies (“he doesn't really want you”).
There is no quick solution: the problem with self-esteem is solved through long work on oneself, ideally with the help of a good psychologist. But if you start to “get anxious,” then consider this.
You’ve already removed your underwear. All real reasons for embarrassment are left behind this barrier.
Don't cling to insecurities like a lifebuoy. When post-orgasmic euphoria fades, you can again hate your cellulite thighs and pimples. Doing this in the process — it's like punishing yourself for every piece of ice cream eaten: calories are consumed, but no pleasure.
