“A woman asked the wise man: why is a man with many women a good man, while a woman with many men is a bad one? The wise man answered: because a key that can open all locks is a good key, while a lock that can be opened by any key is a bad lock.”
This is roughly how we relate to sex in our country: a man will open a woman with his key, and if she has already had another key, the man will definitely understand this, because there will be no remnants of the lock with blood leaking from her.
Many see the hymen as a real barrier to the penis entering the vagina. A barrier that must be broken during the first sex.
It is logical that the information passed down through generations about ruptures, blood, pain, and horrors during the first sex significantly complicates this very sex.
1. As early as 1927, there were dreams of painless defloration
The fear of defloration has long troubled Russians, as even in 1927, it was written in the press about how good it would be to surgically cut the hymen to avoid pain, as our friends in Europe do.
Women in European countries, in order to spare themselves from possible deformity and avoid pain and suffering at such a significant moment in life, perform a hymenotomy before marriage through a small operation done by a doctor. For our country, this is a matter for the future. But I believe that modern women will not lag behind European women in this respect: many have already rid themselves of wild customs and prejudices in the area of sexual life. A certificate from a doctor confirming this operation will always eliminate any potential conflict.
“Women’s magazine”, Dr. N. Mikulina-Ivanova, 1927.
So the ideas of “having to break” and the “hymen as an indicator of innocence” are very old and persistent myths. They can be easily dismantled. The main thing is to remember that the hymen does not work that way.
Let’s take a detailed look at what it is and why it is needed.
2. The hymen is needed to protect the vagina (but this is not certain)
In the question of the purpose of the hymen, scientists Questioning girlfriend’s virginity. have not come to a definitive conclusion The purpose of the hymen. . Some believe that it is one of the rudimentary formations like the coccyx, needed at one time in the Stone Age, whose need has fallen away over time.
Others argue that it is needed to protect the vagina from microbes. The child’s body is much less adapted to the delights of the surrounding environment, and the hymen serves as a natural barrier. But with age, the body strengthens, microflora forms in the vagina, which already knows how to defend itself, and there is no longer any need for this kind of protection.
Moreover, the hymen stretches by a millimeter every year from the time we start walking, sitting on the toilet, and exploring our bodies. Dr. Lindsay Dow humorously notes: "This doesn’t mean that by the age of 50 we will have a 50-millimeter hole; it’s just further confirmation of the elasticity of the hymen."
3. The hymen is an arch, not a fence
The hymen can indeed be completely closed, but this is a rare exception that requires medical intervention. An opening in the hymen is necessary for menstruation and vaginal discharge.
American bloggers have brilliantly described the expectations and reality concerning the hymen: “People imagine the hymen as a paper banner at sporting events, covering the female vagina and tearing when she has sex for the first time. In reality, it is a thin elastic film around the vagina. So it’s not a barrier, but rather an arch made of balloons.” Which will burst during careless sex.
4. You can have sex without damaging the hymen
If you belong to the majority of women with an incompletely closed vagina, then, most likely, your hymen has at least one hole, but it may also have two, three, or more. Yes, the hymen may also be completely absent or may only be present in the form of a small arch in the shape of a crescent at the top or bottom of the vagina.
These holes and the elasticity of the hymen allow young women to use tampons, masturbate, and even have sex (with penile penetration) without damaging the hymen.
In 2004, a study Differences in Hymenal Morphology Between Adolescent Girls With and Without a History of Consensual Sexual Intercourse. was published, which showed that 52% of sexually active women have an intact hymen. However, it can be damaged by doing the splits, sitting on the toilet, or in everyday life—completely accidentally.
5. Blood after sex is not a positive sign
In many cultures, a red sheet after the first sex is proof of the bride's innocence, and the presence of blood affects the lives of these girls. Yes, traces of blood may be present after the first penetrative sex, and not only after the first, but one thing is the traces of blood, and another is such bleeding that would stain the sheet.
Blood after sex may not be related to the hymen at all, and it should definitely not be expected and considered a normal reaction.
For example, a study Genital injuries in prepubertal girls from inline skating accidents. from 2002 reported on two girls with severe genital injuries and vaginal bleeding (they were roller-skating). The authors found that “neither girl had any significant damage to the hymen.”
In general, doctors recommend going for an examination if there is bleeding after sex. You can skip the check if you have just finished your period or have recently had a Pap smear, and the results were clean.
6. The hymen does not disappear after the first sex
The stereotype of the “loss” of innocence imposes on girls a sense of shame and feelings of inferiority, as the partner seems to have acquired something after sex, “taken,” while she has lost something that can never be restored.
A girl does not “lose” anything after the first penetration. The hymen will not go anywhere; it will simply stretch. Remember, it is around the vagina, not across it.
However, there is currently a very popular operation for hymen restoration—hymenoplasty. This is a harmful and unsafe cosmetic procedure performed under anesthesia. There are two types: short-term and long-term.
In the first case, parts of the hymen are sewn together when the result is needed for 7–10 days. In the second case, the material for recreating the hymen consists of sections from the walls of the vagina. The operation is not approved by the American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists.
7. The hymen can regenerate
And this is not just about young women or partial restoration. There is a study from 2004, published in the archives of Pediatric Adolescent Medicine, which showed that, “despite definitive evidence of sexual contact (pregnancy), only 2 out of 36 adolescents had genital changes.”
Existing studies on the hymen in girls and women revolve around injuries and rapes, so little is known about its behavior in a “normal” situation, but we know that even after a traumatic rupture, the hymen can heal.
A 2007 study on girls with a damaged hymen showed that injuries from the rupture “healed quickly and often left few traces or no evidence of previous injuries at all.”
What to do if the first sex is frightening
Firstly, do not expect pain and blood—they should not be present. Discomfort is possible, as the hymen is after all a mucous membrane with nerve endings. A very elastic mucous membrane.
Secondly, it is by no means necessary for your first time to be penetrative sex. You can prepare for penetrative sex on your own by gradually exploring your body.
Dr. Lindsay Dow advises to carefully determine what type your hymen is by using your fingers (with clean hands). Then gently (with lubricant, if your own is insufficient) move your finger (you can use your pinky) along the wall of the vagina (not up/down), gradually stretching the hymen.
The process can be made more enjoyable by involving your partner. If you feel comfortable and calm enough next to him to ask for very careful penetration, then the penetration itself should occur painlessly and pleasantly.
Perhaps your partner will find another lifesaver useful—insert two fingers into the vagina during orgasm. During it, the body produces so much anesthetic that even childbirth would be painless.
