Don't know what to do – breathe.
This is a rule that permeates all areas of my life. I can bet that the overwhelming majority of people not connected with sports, vocals, yoga, martial arts, or mindfulness practices pay attention to their breathing only when something is wrong: it smells bad, gets disrupted, and so on.
At the same time, in all ancient practices of working with consciousness and the body, you will find exercises related to breathing. And this is understandable. Mindful breathing helps to relax, focus, increase sensitivity, become aroused, and attune to other people. In singing, without proper breathing, you won't be able to produce a strong and even part, in various sports – to run, swim, lift.
So, in sex, breathing is no less important. I will tell you in more detail in what situations conscious breathing can be applied in sex.
Turn off your head
When you focus your attention on sensations in the body, it automatically stops grinding thoughts in your head. Attention on breathing is the most accessible way to return to those very sensations. If your case is thoughts during sex about work and household chores, and it worries you, try deep, even breathing (try to exhale through your mouth and make it 1.5–2 times longer than inhalation).
Notice important processes
The flip side of returning to sensations. "Flying" out of the body into distracting thoughts makes it hard to notice what is really happening to us. What feels good and what does not.
By constantly focusing on your breath and deepening it, you may discover what brings you pleasant sensations and what brings unpleasant or even pain.
The effect is especially noticeable if you breathe slowly: you simply have enough time to understand what is happening.
And you may feel anxious, or even scared. You need to be able to cope with these emotions and discuss them with your partner. So be careful.
Relax
When you are tense, it can be difficult to enjoy. And once again, breathing comes to the rescue. By the way, deep, slow breathing helps to create a sense of comfort and safety. For many women, this is a necessary factor for the very possibility of getting aroused. But it's also relevant for men.
Take note if you are very nervous before sex.
A few conscious deep inhales and exhales – and you are already better prepared for sex.
Focus
A woman's orgasm can sometimes be very fragile, easily "scared away". If you try to breathe deeply while approaching orgasm, keeping your attention on both your breath and the place where your pre-orgasmic sensations are concentrated, it will be harder for you to get distracted.
Increase arousal and enhance sensitivity
Deepening and slowing your breathing helps increase the oxygen saturation of the blood and blood circulation in the tissues, thus enhancing sensitivity.
Accelerating your breathing increases arousal. If you want a more spirited, passionate sex, you can try breathing quickly and intermittently. Just be careful: if you feel a slight dizziness, breathe more calmly.
You can also help yourself by adding sound. No, it’s not about imitation, as in porn. When you add your voice – moans, growls, sounds (only those that personally seem appropriate to you) – you become even more aroused. If the sounds are rhythmic, you may even drift into a light or "strong" trance. Enjoy.
Moreover, people involuntarily hold their breath before orgasm. This is quite natural. But try not to do this; instead, deepen and/or speed up your breathing. The result may pleasantly surprise you.
Some may experience stronger sensations from breath restriction – asphyxiation, but such games often end sadly, so please do not do this without basic medical training.
Attune with your partner
People familiar with tantric partner exercises understand well what incredible things breath synchronization can create. Breathing synchronously, and sometimes out of phase – one inhales, the other exhales – you can achieve a wonderful feeling of unity, dissolving into each other, and build arousal together. The sensations this provides, I tell you, are beyond compare.
Dominate
I mastered this life hack about five years ago in classes on Ericksonian hypnosis and began to actively use it in my sexual practices. When I want my partner to follow me, relax or become more aroused, immersed in their sensations, I establish eye contact and suggest that my partner breathes after me. Then I can make my breathing deeper and smoother or faster and more intermittent – everything depends on the goal. And the partner simply repeats after me.
If done calmly and confidently, the partner feels safe and gladly follows along. It works especially well with those who are used to controlling everything. Men, you can, of course, do the same with your partners if you are both interested in such games.
Try, experiment, come up with your own methods of working with breathing and enjoy.
Also read
- How to understand your needs in sex →
- How to regain your sexuality →
- 6 effects of yoga that will improve the quality of your sex →
