1. Lie about true desires
A rare person can freely talk about their sexual preferences and oddities. Deep down, we fear disapproval and condemnation from society. Sex is an intimate matter, but it is surrounded by a fence of stereotypes. Feelings of guilt due to "abnormality," phobias, indifference, disgust, and neuroses create a vicious circle and gradually destroy sex.
It is difficult to share true desires even with a very close partner. There is always the fear of being misunderstood.
“Good girls don’t do that. Good boys don’t think about it.”
What happens in the bedroom, in this confessional of sex, should become an act of the highest recognition and encouragement.
2. The desire to follow rules
Why are fantasies about sex with nurses and flight attendants popular? Because sex with a person in uniform breaks the rules and shatters templates. Every day we are forced to be right and good: exercising in the morning, eating healthy oatmeal, being friendly with colleagues. In the name of “normalcy,” sexual desires are suppressed.
From time to time, it is useful to be unpredictable and irrational in sex. Of course, this is not about making love during the day on the playground. It is enough not to confine oneself to boundaries and allow for small mischiefs in the bedroom. Or anywhere else where no one can see you. Sexual daring gives an invaluable sense of one's power.
3. Marriage
A biological fact: married couples experience a decrease in sexual attraction and frequency of sex. It is difficult for married people to change templates: this is everyday life and domesticity, while this is eroticism and sex. Psychologists believe that marriage and raising children are not different from managing a small business. In other words, married people, coming home from work in the evening, continue to administer and solve tasks, only now in home slippers and bathrobes. Hence the desire to avoid sex so as not to lose the business mindset and not forget what else remains to be done.
Openness in discussing the most delicate questions, periodic shortening and increasing of the distance between partners, as well as the desire to try new things, fantasizing, and expanding the horizons of sensuality will save sexual life in marriage. There is no need to hesitate to seek professional help from a sexologist or family psychologist if necessary.
Couples should also work on evening conversations. Paying bills and weekend plans are great. But while the children are sleeping, you can talk about plans for that night and finally put on a nurse's costume and play sex clinic.
4. "Not tonight, dear"
This is not just a phrase; it is a blow to the solar plexus. Rejections from one spouse impact the other more destructively than rejections from random people. They undermine self-esteem and wound to the very heart. After all, we decided to share life with this person, and they have a headache again. This means they no longer find us attractive.
5. Pigsty in the kitchen
Dishes piled in the sink, crumbs on the table, and burnt pans on the stove will dampen anyone's desire to have sex. Couples living together share domestic life and, along with it, domestic problems like taking out the trash or cleaning up after the cat.
Being together is not easy, and this also requires learning. Finding compromises, sharing grievances and doubts, and agreeing on the rules of joint living.
