3 main myths about sex
Penis — the main tool for satisfying a woman
You probably think that the bigger the penis, the better, and the longer you last, the more pleasure she'll get. All of this is a lie. And here’s the truth.
Researchers asked hundreds of women a direct question about what is most important to them during sexual intercourse, and none of the participants mentioned penis size. Instead, women said they are crazy about men who care about their pleasure.
Good sex ends with simultaneous orgasm
This is how it’s shown in movies: the man vigorously enters the woman, and — yes, yes, more! — they both experience a quick and magical orgasm. In fact, simultaneous orgasms are a myth.
To bring your partner to orgasm, you need to be focused on her sensations, while to experience it yourself — completely immerse yourself in yours. As you understand, combining these is difficult. The partner may experience pleasure both before and after you. And this is much more convenient than striving for simultaneous release.
To reach orgasm, women need intercourse
By the most optimistic estimates, only 15% of women can reach orgasm from intercourse. The other 85% need clitoral stimulation.
The clitoris is the key to female orgasm. This proves once again that only 1.5% of women masturbate with an object in the vagina. Another 12% do it the same way, while also touching their clitoris. And the remaining — a colossal 86.5% — derive pleasure solely from clitoral stimulation. So the main thing to remember is: friction leads to orgasm for you, but not for your partner. Her pleasure point is the clitoris.
How to do everything right
Now that we've cleared up the myths, let’s get to the point. You have a date, and you really want the girl to remember it for a lifetime. You’ll need to go through three stages: properly prepare, give your all in bed, and then seal the impression. Let’s start with the first.
Prepare
Find out where the clitoris is
A recent study showed that 25% of men cannot find this organ on a diagram. Check yourself and take another look at female physiology.
If the pictures don't inspire you, you might want to watch videos about female masturbation, just not from porn, but realistic ones. Expert on female sexuality Lori Mintz suggests watching any (or all) of the 50+ instructional videos on the site OMGYes.com. In them, you’ll see 12 ways of clitoral masturbation.
Agree on sex
It often happens that one partner wants to have sex, while the other intends to study for an exam, work, watch TV, or just go to bed early. Agree on a sexual adventure in advance — then the girl will be ready for what awaits her, and it will be easier for you to achieve your goal.
Eliminate stress
For 80–90% of people (both women and men), stress diminishes interest, and virtually everyone it decreases the ability to feel pleasure. Even for those 10–20% of us who experience increased interest in sex under nerve tension.
If your partner works from morning to night, has a mortgage and three children, and is under constant stress, forget about orgasm. Therefore, before moving on to bed activities, spend 20 minutes or even an hour to relax in a comfortable environment.
Ask the girl what helps her recover. A bath, a walk, sports, cooking, heartfelt conversations, a glass of wine — anything that works.
Create context
Female pleasure is closely related to context — external circumstances and internal state. What specifically sets a woman up for sex depends on her. But usually, the ideal context for sex = low stress level + admiration for the partner + erotic atmosphere. So candles, music, and your irresistible appearance will not be superfluous.
Get down to business
Allocate 20 minutes for foreplay
Modern scenarios of sex focus mainly on what you and your partner do between the legs, but most women require about 20 minutes for foreplay (kisses, caresses) before commencing this.
Women need time for arousal and the production of enough lubrication for genital touching to become pleasant.
Here are a few options for how to warm up:
- Kiss each other on the lips — in every possible way (softly, insistently, with tongues, without them).
- Kiss each other on the neck, ears, and other parts of the face while remaining dressed.
- Touch and caress each other through clothing.
- Roll around on the bed while staying clothed.
- Undress yourself or undress each other.
- Touch, kiss, and caress your partner's breasts.
- Play with her nipples: gently roll them between your fingers, suck, pull, or pinch if it excites her.
- Touch and kiss each other's naked bodies, not lingering anywhere for too long. Many women say they enjoy it when their partner teases them for a while by touching their genitals, then starts caressing other areas again.
You can also take a shower or bath together, laugh, joke, and be silly. Get creative!
Focus on her clitoris
When you both are sufficiently warmed up, move on to the main course — clitoral stimulation. Do this as long as necessary. In general, women require from 15 to 45 minutes to reach orgasm. An interesting statistic: if you dedicate 20 minutes or more to clitoral stimulation, about 92% of your partners will experience orgasm.
Tip: start with gentle touches to her clitoris, and let her signal when to increase the pressure. The clitoris is a very sensitive organ, so it’s better when she says "More," not "Ouch!".
Find out what she likes
Women have differently placed nerve endings. Thus, there is no universal recipe for pleasure: everyone has their preferred type of touch.
To complicate things further, add that the stimulation needed for a woman to orgasm can change over time (for example, depending on her menstrual cycle). So the only way to bring a woman to climax is to have a desire to listen to her and hear her.
How to find out what a woman wants today? Here are three ways:
- Just ask. Conversations during sex can be very brief, but they can significantly influence the situation. For example, you might say, "Tell me what you like," or "I want you to tell me if this works for you," or "I want to give you pleasure. Show me what feels good for you."
- Let her fingers speak. Place your hand over your partner's wrist, signaling you want her to show you what touches she likes. When she does that, follow her instructions (where, with what force, how exactly).
- Listen. Increased breathing, intensifying moans, and requests to continue usually indicate you’re on the right track. But if the girl does not show any emotions, something is probably wrong, but she’s shy to say it. In this case, revert to methods 1 and 2.
Experience orgasm
You can first bring your partner to orgasm through clitoral stimulation and then move on to intercourse and get your share of pleasure, or vice versa. Don’t strive to experience orgasm simultaneously — remember, it’s a myth. Researchers even believe it’s undesirable for partners to reach climax at the same moment, as it takes away the pleasure of watching and feeling the partner's orgasm.
Enjoy the pleasant aftertaste
Talk after sex
Many couples find it helpful to "process the information received" right after sex. This will help improve the next experience. Ask the girl what she liked the most and what you can do better next time. Just don’t make demands: if there are serious issues, it’s better to discuss them outside the bedroom.
Be there
Many women want to extend intimacy after sex: cuddle, chat, or just fall asleep together. What you definitely shouldn’t do is turn your back on your partner or immediately call a taxi.
Stay close and be attentive. Remember that showing care excites women much more than the size of the penis and expertise in love affairs.
The article was prepared based on materials from the books:
- “Pleasure Point,” Lori Mintz — a journey into the world of female orgasm, debunking the biggest lie about sex.
- “What Women Want,” Emily Nagoski — scientific answers to questions about the female body and sexuality.
