1. Libido is a little more complicated than ordinary desire for sex
Sometimes people have no desire, but physically they can have sex, and sometimes there is a lot of desire, but the body does not respond. Both situations happen constantly and are absolutely normal.
Often people do not understand that libido consists of two parts: mental (desire) and physical (arousal). And they do not always work in tandem.
2. There is no "normal" libido
Many believe that desire should arise spontaneously. But we are all different, all our bodies are different. This means that there is no such thing as a normal level of sexual desire. It can be spontaneous, but often arises during the process of stimulation. Moreover, sometimes it takes a lot of effort to achieve the right mindset.
3. Trying to maintain "ideal" libido can harm self-esteem
This point logically follows from the previous one. Since there is no concept of norm for libido, both high, low sexual desire, or its absence are equally normal. People who worry about their desire level being inconsistent with a mythical ideal face issues with self-esteem and sex.
4. If your partner's libido is lower than yours, it doesn't mean they don't want you
It is easy to succumb to the toxic thought that every time you want to, but your partner does not, it signifies their cooling. In reality, a person may simply have a lower libido level. This has nothing to do with your attractiveness. It’s better to accept this fact; otherwise, relationships in bed will become complicated and confusing.
5. Libido can change for medical reasons
Everything related to circulation, hormones, physical pain, or discomfort can affect the level of libido. Among the medical reasons are medications (antidepressants, birth control pills), mental and chronic illnesses, such as diabetes or polycystic ovary syndrome.
If you notice a sharp change in libido, it is a serious reason to see a doctor.
6. Everyday factors can also affect libido
According to Raquel Dardik, there are numerous studies showing that various factors influence the level of sexual desire. The most common is stress.
The higher a woman's stress level, the lower her libido. It can also change under the influence of work schedule or food preferences.
If desire suddenly disappeared, it is a good reason to analyze what changes have occurred in your life recently.
7. Libido can change with age
The body and brain change as we grow older, so libido does not remain the same. For example, Dardik notes, during menopause, women experience changes in vaginal tissue, making sex potentially painful. This is a simple reason for a decrease in desire.
8. Libido is not related to gender stereotypes
There are many destructive stereotypes about sex and gender. For example, that men want sex all the time and women do not. Or if a woman has a high libido, it is abnormal and she should be ashamed.
In reality, of course, it is not so. The level of desire is not related to gender. But people under the power of stereotypes may begin to think that something is wrong with them.
9. Libido does not equal orgasm
Sexual desire is not yet a guarantee of orgasm, notes Levkoff. It can very well happen that, in the middle of the process, a person gets distracted or experiences discomfort, and then the path to the finish becomes too long. If it is not blocked at all.
Moreover, it is quite possible to have sex with orgasm if it started without much desire.
10. Libido is not related to negative sexual experiences
If you have had a negative or inappropriate sexual experience, it does not say anything about your libido. That’s why it’s important to know what you like and don’t like. Then you can learn what you want with a specific partner.
If you have low libido and not the best sexual experience with a partner, then all this is unlikely to help you desire them more. Conversely, amazing sexual moments shared with a person can ignite you, even if initially you weren't in the mood.
11. If you want to boost libido, first understand why
Sometimes the desire to increase libido is related to a partner's higher needs, and sometimes it is related to personal experiences. The reasons vary, so they need to be addressed differently.
I recommend that people consult a therapist or sex consultant to address issues related to libido. Most often, they lie in the mind.
12. Changes in libido can be noticed if you're aware of your traits and desires
To determine your standard level of libido, you need to be well aware of your sexual desires. How often do you get aroused? How often do you masturbate? Only with this information can you notice any changes and seek help if necessary.
