Virtual sex: 7 tips to help you achieve real pleasure

This article is the concluding part of the project by Loverssex and Joom about how the Internet has influenced our relationships and lives. In the first article, our author described how she used a dating app for two years and what came of it. In the second, we shared stories about the problems in relationships that arise from different online habits of partners and figured out how to resolve them. And today we will figure out how to make virtual sex comfortable and safe.

1. Prepare for the session

If virtual sex takes place in a text format, you won't need the fastest internet connection or any special equipment. It's enough to just find a secluded place where no one will disturb you.

With video chat, it's more complicated: you need to take care of high-speed and stable internet, a good webcam, and microphone. Also, don't forget about lighting: semi-darkness adds intimacy and mystery to the atmosphere, but this works only up to a certain point. If your virtual partner can hardly make out your face and figure in the dark, that's hardly exciting.

The first time I tried virtual sex was long ago, in 2007. Back then, the internet was slow, so we mostly communicated via text and occasionally sent each other photos. Now video is more popular, so you need to prepare more seriously. For example, I had to buy a webcam. And I have to clean my room not just on weekends.

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2. Find the right platform for virtual sex

You can meet on any platform. For example, in special dating services and social networks. It's best to find partners in themed groups. In such communities, people are usually already ready for virtual encounters and have engaged in them before.

For dating on social networks, it's better to create a separate fake account. Then, even if your profile is hacked or an ex-partner wants to share your photos, there's less risk that everyone will find out who you really are.

It's better not to use messengers, as a mobile phone number is used as a login. But there are exceptions. For example, in Telegram, you can hide your number.

For virtual sex, I usually use a second account on "VKontakte." It feels a bit scary to use the main one. Sometimes I also meet on "Mamba," but it's rare. Back in 2009, I mostly communicated in ICQ.

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3. Carefully choose partners

It's better to immediately refuse virtual sex with people who take it unseriously. For them, the main goal is to laugh at you, not to enjoy it. You can recognize jokers already at the stage of preliminary correspondence. If a person constantly tries to make crude jokes or behaves too rudely, it's better not to continue the communication.

It's best to start the conversation with a small pleasant chat. Don't go straight to sending intimate photographs, as that may scare off some partners. It's better to ask them about their hobbies, favorite music bands, or movies. After small talk, you can move directly to virtual sex.

Beware of people who want to know your real name, surname, and other details. They usually immediately ask to take off the mask, send naked photos showing the face, and so on. Most likely, such a person will record the virtual encounter on video and will later blackmail you with it.

I recognize jokers even at the stage of acquaintance. For instance, if a person has a nick like SEXMACHINE200 or STEELBARREL, it's unlikely that we'll have a good virtual encounter.

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4. Hide your identity

Use fake surname and name or nicknames. Also, under no circumstances should you give links to your main profiles on social networks. If you are worried that you might be tracked online, use a VPN.

For virtual sex in a video chat format, buy a wig and a mask. This way, you will not only protect your anonymity but also add an element of play to the sex.

You can also limit virtual encounters only to people from other countries. This way, you will avoid random meetings with friends or acquaintances.

When I was a bit younger, I wasn't particularly worried about the problem of revealing my real name. Now, when I already have a permanent job, I wouldn't want my colleagues to find out about my interests. For me, the scariest thing is to come to the office in the morning and realize that everyone is discussing my intimate photos. I definitely couldn't work in that place after such a thing. That's why I indicate my fake name in profiles, don't show my face, and also use anonymizer extensions for my browser.

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5. Create a comfortable atmosphere

Turn on soft light and light music. They will help you relax and create the right mood. If you are doing virtual sex for the first time, you will likely be very nervous. This is completely normal. An experienced and understanding partner will help you quickly cope with anxiety.

I didn't change anything in my apartment's decor. I usually just remove photos so that they can't be used to identify me. But music is very important. I even created a separate playlist for virtual sex to make it more convenient.

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6. Talk a lot and give compliments

The main difference between virtual sex and real sex is the absence of direct physical contact. You can't touch your partner and feel how he or she reacts to your actions. Therefore, try to describe as detailed as possible what you are experiencing right now. Even if these descriptions sound like scenes from jokes about phone sex — keep going. A good partner won't laugh at you or judge you in any way. After the session ends, don't forget to praise your partner.

One of my most unsuccessful virtual experiences was with a quiet person. During the call, he said only a couple of words. It's no surprise that we didn't succeed.

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7. Disconnect if something goes wrong

If you notice something strange in the person's behavior (for example, he suddenly starts laughing inappropriately or insulting you), disconnect immediately. The ability to leave at any moment is one of the advantages of virtual sex.

I sometimes had to disconnect. Usually because my partner turned out not to be a girl but a man. Since I’m not interested in them, I didn't want to continue such virtual sex at all.

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8. Think carefully before moving acquaintance offline

Moving virtual relationships into real life is not always a good idea. Sometimes it's better to leave them as they are. After all, virtual sex is a kind of game where participants take on various roles. And it's far from certain that a person in real life will be similar to their virtual persona.

In reality, a domineering dominatrix may turn out to be a completely ordinary girl with everyday problems, while a hot macho may be an unemployed loser with debts.

I have never viewed virtual sex as a start for real relationships. For me, virtual sex is a completely different world where I can be anyone. So there's never been any desire to move offline.

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