Spanking (English "slaps", "whipping") is when one partner "punishes" the other by loudly slapping them on the buttocks with an open palm or a light flat object.
Spanking is considered one of the most common and safe BDSM techniques, which is perfect for beginners. On one hand, the submissive partner (also the submissive, the one being spanked) feels pain. On the other — this pain is not too strong and can even bring pleasure. Spanking will help both partners understand if they enjoy such games and if they should continue experimenting in this direction.
If you decide to try the technique mentioned above, follow a few important rules — these will make this intimate activity interesting, captivating, and desirable.
1. Make sure this game is consensual
Awareness and voluntariness are the foundation of any BDSM practice. Both the dominant (top) and the submissive must clearly understand what the process involves and give unambiguous consent.
2. Come up with a safe word
Although spanking is a relatively innocent subtype of BDSM, it can be taken too far. Therefore, partners should discuss a safe word in advance — an expression that, when spoken by the submissive, immediately stops the process.
An ideal safe word is short, clear, and not related to sex, a noun or adjective. Options like "no", "stop", "stop", "enough" are not suitable, as in the heat of passion they may not be perceived as limitations.
As a safe word, English-speaking individuals often use red — "red" (analogous to the prohibitive signal of a traffic light). You can stick with this option or choose another. For example, "carrot." Or "basta." Or another short, sharp, and attention-grabbing verbal sign.
3. Think of a comfortable position
The most popular position for spanking: the submissive lies belly-down on the knees of the sitting top on the bed. But there are other options. For example, the dominant kneels, while the submissive bends over the other knee. Or lies across a table. Or braces their hands against the wall.
Decide on the position in advance, so you don't feel embarrassed and can act confidently, even if you are trying spanking for the first time.
4. Remove anything unnecessary from your hands
On the "working" hand of the one spanking, there should be nothing extra. Rings, watches, bracelets should be removed beforehand to avoid injuring the submissive's skin and causing them more pain than intended. Yes, nails should also be trimmed, getting rid of hangnails. Just in case.
5. Choose a place to spank
It's best to spank the lower or middle part of the buttocks. It is acceptable to move to the thighs. But the upper part of the buttocks and especially the area where the kidneys are located is a taboo for strikes.
6. Take your time warming up
Spanking implies quite strong, sharp strikes. But if you start hitting like that right away, the submissive definitely won't like it: the pain will be too sharp from the unfamiliarity.
Therefore, do not skip the warming up stage. First, stroke the partner's buttocks, massage them gently with your palm. Then make a series of light slaps. Only then, when the submissive's skin turns pink, can you increase the intensity.
7. Make the slaps sharp
The palm strikes and immediately rebounds from the skin surface, like a whip. Avoid keeping your hand on the buttocks — this will be unpleasant for the submissive.
8. Work in sets
After 5–7–10 slaps, take a short break to stroke and massage the buttocks. This will help both you and give the submissive a chance to catch their breath, feeling the new sensations more deeply.
9. Pay attention to your partner's reaction
The goal of spanking, like any other BDSM practice, is not to torture the submissive but to gain pleasure. Therefore, while delivering strikes, observe the effect they have on the submissive. If they clench their buttocks and try to dodge, stop, focus on gentle stroking and massage. At the same time, ask the submissive how they feel.
You can only continue spanking after the submissive has unambiguously indicated that they are okay and are not opposed to continuing.
10. Communicate
Comment on what you are doing. Vocalize what you feel when your palm touches the buttocks. Spanking is a complete intimate communication, and words here will definitely not be superfluous. Even "dirty": insulting, shameful expressions can become a bright and exciting element of the sex game.
