In sex, there are no rules, but there are wishes based on common sense and scientific research. Some of our recommendations may seem obvious. However, as experience shows, it is sometimes useful to remind ourselves of the simplest things.
Don't take sex too seriously
Undoubtedly, sex is an important part of our lives. It strengthens health, improves sleep, boosts mood. But if you approach intimacy too seriously — say, like a useful health procedure where everything must be perfect and sterile — you completely lose spontaneity.
The element of play leaves the bed. You become too demanding of yourself and your partner. As a result, instead of pleasure and benefits, you experience dissatisfaction and frustration.
You don't need to be a perfectionist in sex. Turn off your mind and treat it as a game, the only goal of which is to give and receive pleasure.
Turn off smartphones
Do you bring a switched-on smartphone to bed? The chances that you will spend an hour before sleep with the device in hand are twice as high as the chances of romantic communication with your partner lying next to you. Such are the results of research No More Pillow Talk: Phones In Bed Taking A Toll On Relationships, Sex Lives , conducted among Americans.
25% of respondents admitted that the smartphone screen (not their loved one's face) is the last thing they see before sleep. 55% realize that too close communication with the gadget reduces the quality of their intimate life. And 35% note: sex has suffered greatly due to the "third wheel" — the smartphone.
The conclusion? If you can't (or lack the willpower) to turn off your mobile until morning, at least put it on "Do Not Disturb" mode. And send good night wishes to all your online friends in advance.
Spend time on foreplay
How good sex will be largely depends on foreplay. Moreover, for men, foreplay is almost as important as it is for women. According to research How Long Should Foreplay Last? Men & Women Actually Agree On This One, Study Finds , lovers of both genders need 18-19 minutes to warm up properly. But due to lack of time or impatience of one partner, foreplay usually lasts 11-13 minutes.
Talk about sex
Many people — especially women — feel embarrassed discussing intimate topics. Sharing deeply personal desires is difficult even with a close person, even though you have been sleeping in the same bed for a number of years. Yet the only way to get the sex you dream of is to talk about it.
Look into each other's eyes
At least from time to time. Eye contact enhances Eye Contact Is a Two‑Way Street: Arousal Is Elicited by the Sending and Receiving of Eye Gaze Information arousal and helps establish a deeper emotional connection. If you still feel uncomfortable looking into each other's eyes for long periods during sex, exchange short glances, holding them for at least a couple of seconds THE EYES HAVE IT… THE KEY TO POWERFUL INTIMACY? . Over time, develop this ability — to feel true closeness.
Experiment
In stable couples, sex quickly loses its edge. After just a year Women tend to lose interest in sex after just one year into a relationship, and there’s a reason why of calm family relationships, interest in intimate life decreases for 34% of women and 15% of men. Partners who are vocal about their needs and not only are unafraid but also eager to experiment get more pleasure in bed. To banish routine from the bedroom, try:
- Sex toys.
- New positions.
- Tantric sex.
- Sex in unusual places.
- Role-playing games.
Don't allow pain and discomfort
If a certain position causes you pain, inform your partner right away. Sex is about mutual pleasure, not silent self-sacrifice. The same applies to erotic practices that are unacceptable for you. If your partner fantasizes about BDSM or threesome, and for you, it's taboo? Listen carefully, do not judge, but also do not agree, breaking yourself. Just explain why not.
Explore the clitoris
Surely everyone knows this, but we will remind you once again: 80% of women Almost 80% of women don’t orgasm from penetrative sex do not orgasm from mere friction. They need additional stimulation of the clitoris for release. Practice cunnilingus and other techniques, use clitoral vibrators.
Pay attention to all body parts
And not just to the obvious leaders in the sexual race — the penis for men, the clitoris, and the breasts for women. Explore other obvious and not so obvious erogenous zones. And make sure to massage the testicles from time to time. This is not only pleasant but also extremely beneficial for the sexual satisfaction of both partners.
Aim for orgasm, but don't fixate on it
The French call orgasm la petite mort or "the little death." A sexual act without climax may seem unsuccessful or incomplete. Girls fake orgasms to avoid upsetting their partner. Men feel insecure if they fail to ejaculate or provide their partner with heavenly pleasure. And from stress, it's just a step to consistently low libido.
Understanding the sharpness of the problem, Loverssex has repeatedly provided advice regarding orgasm. You can gather a lot of useful information on this topic in the following articles:
- Anorgasmia in men: what to do if you can't achieve orgasm.
- 9 effective ways to enhance orgasm.
- 11 tips for those who want to experience multiple orgasms.
But the main thing is not to get fixated on the result but to enjoy the process. It doesn't matter much whether everything ends with a stormy simultaneous orgasm or if today you simply fall asleep in each other's arms without ever "dying." Both are absolutely normal.
