For many people, deciding to engage in dirty talk is like daring to walk through a minefield. Bedroom conversations are a special area of sexuality that sometimes even seem silly. People are too embarrassed and don't know what to say, and shyness and insecurity make any provocative and exciting remark merely funny.
When a partner asks to talk about sex, instead of a hurricane of passions, an inhibiting cold often invades the bedroom, causing all desire to vanish. Perhaps your ideas about sexual conversations will seem disgusting, funny, or even insane to your partner.
It must be said that we don't even have a term in our language that describes verbal communication in sex. In English, it is called dirty talk — "dirty conversations," although there is nothing dirty about them.
Therefore, Loverssex has translated a complete guide to the exciting art of bedroom talk, composed by sex blogger and relationship expert Jordan Gray. What to say, what not to mention, how to understand your partner's desires and respond to them — all of this is necessary to reveal a new side of sexuality.
Before sex, say what you expect. During sex, say what you like
The rule that helps cope with conversations in bed states: first, say what you want to do with your partner and what you expect from them, and when you begin to execute your intentions, share what you like.
For example, your partner has a high level of sexuality, but getting aroused in advance is something they do not know how to do. They might want to have sex more often, but they can't think about it that often or get in the mood. That's where erotic conversations can help.
The conversations will be about what you want here and now. But if you casually drop a phrase like, “I’m trying to concentrate and work, but instead, I keep remembering how last week we had sex in the 69 position and couldn’t take our hands off each other,” it will push your partner into your arms.
Any reminder of how good you were together or of how you envision the upcoming evening will lead to sex.
Admit that you like something, tell your partner immediately, and then your partner will want to give you more. Conversations will add another shade to sexual play and turn sex into an experience with numerous sensations.
Describe what is happening
For many people, it is precisely the details of sexual conversations that are the sparks that ignite passion.
There is nothing wrong with general phrases like “Yes, I like it,” “You’re just amazing,” “I love having sex with you.” But they can be filled with emotions by adding descriptive details.
“Yes, I like it” turns into “Yes, keep going, I love feeling your big / small hands on my chest / buttocks, there’s no one sexier than you.”
“You look gorgeous” turns into “You’re better than any of my fantasies, I adore you and your wonderful / soft / strong… (insert any body part that you can’t get enough of).”
“I love having sex with you” turns into “I love how you grip the sheets before orgasm. I love hearing your breath catch when I kiss you in (well, you know where it’s best to kiss your partner). I want to be inside you / on you / under you.”
Sounds better, doesn’t it?
Engage all the senses
One of the wonderful ways to add fire to an erotic conversation and make it exciting is to use words that describe different senses.
Usually, sex is talked about by describing the sensations that vision and touch provide: “You look so good, I feel so nice.” These sensations, of course, dominate in sex. It is normal to talk about them and describe their various manifestations. But it’s much more interesting to let your imagination roam and notice something else, something unusual.
Try to find words that show that you engage all five senses during sex, for example:
- I love how you smell. You taste good. I get drunk on your scent.
- I get high listening to you.
- I adore it when you sigh like that.
- I want to feel how tightly you hold me.
- I want to see your orgasm and feel every thrust.
Don't be rude if your partner doesn't like it
Each of us has trigger words that embarrass and sound harsh. Some people get turned on by "dirty" words; for others, they provoke the opposite reaction.
It’s particularly tricky when describing genitalia. Some prefer medical terms: penis, vagina. But many use slang and even profanity; some choose euphemisms like “jade rod” and “cave of pleasure.”
You should check your partner's reaction to words BEFORE you enter the bedroom. If in doubt, it’s better to ask than to blurt out something inappropriate at the wrong moment.
Soft and “decent” words do not lower the sexual tension of conversations; they show respect for the partner. You do listen to your partner’s wishes if they prefer soft touches (or, conversely, rough and hard ones), right? The same goes for words. Through conversations, an atmosphere of sex is created: tender, hurricane-like, or rough. Soft vocabulary creates a sense of comfort and safety.
If you're scared, start with messages
Some people find it hard to start an erotic conversation because they grew up in a society where topics about sex are taboo. This could be a religious culture or family traditions — in any case, it makes discussing sex difficult. A good way to test both yourself and your partner is to send an erotic text message and see how they respond.
What to start sexting (that’s texting about sex)? Try something like:
- I’m looking forward to our date. We’ll have a great time in bed.
- I want to play. I hope you’ll be without underwear when I get home.
- I’m already aroused; what should I wear tonight?
- I can’t focus on work; I keep remembering what we did last night.
- I’m trying to recover from a crazy night. You really know how to give pleasure.
Take note of examples
Here are a few examples of simple, more provocative, and (for some) extreme conversations that you can try out.
Level 1. Beginner phrases
These are suitable for those who haven’t tried talking about sex before or those who are having sex with a new partner. These phrases help check how both of you feel about such conversations.
- Magnificent sensations.
- Sit on me.
- Do you like it that much?
- I’m getting aroused.
- Tell me if you like it / if it needs to be softer.
- You look stunning; you turn me on.
- What do you want to do with me?
- I love how you look at me when you get turned on.
- Do whatever you want with me.
- I can see that you’re enjoying it.
- I’m ready to spend the whole day between your legs.
- I want to taste you.
- Don’t stop.
Level 2. Advanced phrases
So, you’ve already tried a lot together, and now you’re looking for something that will turn you on even more. Take a few phrases from the list below and insert them into your erotic conversation. And when you get used to them, the next section will heighten your pleasure.
- I love it when you squeeze me.
- I want you to come on me / I want to watch you come.
- Relax, lie on your back, and let me take you to orgasm.
- I love it when you’re on top of me.
- Get on your knees.
- I love sucking your penis.
- Tell me how you love having sex with me.
- I want to have sex with you in front of a mirror.
- You have a great butt / body / penis…
Level 3. Phrases for those who are not used to silence
The following examples are not for the faint-hearted, and they should not be used in the first months of a relationship (unless you met at a sex party and started saying something similar before you knew each other’s names). Like much in the sexual sphere, these explicit phrases are better used behind a well-closed door.
So, if you are ready for hot experiments, try something from these phrases and unleash your hidden urges!
- Tell me how to fuck you.
- Show me how wet you are.
- I want to have sex with you so that all the neighbors wake up.
- Get up and fuck me.
- Fuck me hard!
- Grab my penis.
- This body deserves good sex.
Why all this is needed
Yes, sometimes dirty conversations might seem intimidating (especially when you're reading about them during a lunch break), but try to start and get used to them, to the point that you can say such words.
Start small, ask your partner how they feel about different words (and not just during sex), remember what can and cannot be said.
At first, you can’t escape the feeling of awkwardness, but over time, erotic conversations open new horizons of freedom; it will be easier for you to communicate and understand each other. Words transform sexual life — this is one of the simple ways to make it more vibrant.
