1. Describe the process of sex
For example, imagine that you are explaining it to an alien who has no idea what it is. If you had to describe everything in the smallest details, how would you do it? What do you like and what don’t you like from the list?
Another way is to write a short erotic story. Include several bedroom scenes and pay attention to what usually gets repeated.
You probably already know quite a lot about what you like and don’t like, you just don’t realize it.
Many people think that the answer to the question about preferences should be long and complicated. It doesn’t have to be. Simple things like hugs and soft kisses count too. And the list doesn’t have to consist only of what leads to orgasm. All actions that bring you pleasure are valid.
2. Recall past experiences
Start with the best sex. Take a couple of memories and think about what exactly distinguishes them from the others. Maybe you liked a specific action of your partner or some position. Or maybe you just laughed a lot during the process and felt completely relaxed.
Then recall your worst sex. Think about what exactly you didn’t like or what caused discomfort. Perhaps you and your partner were silent the whole time and it made you tense, or you experimented with domination and submission, but it was uncomfortable for you. Such memories will provide many clues.
3. Experiment alone with yourself
Explore your own body. Learn which touches are responded to by certain areas. Fantasize to understand what excites you and what doesn’t. It’s easier to do it alone when no one is watching you. If you understand that you are comfortable, you can repeat all actions with your partner. But this is also not necessary: some fantasies you can keep only for when you are alone.
4. Be ready to try something new
Without this, it’s impossible to understand whether you will like something or not. Of course, you may have boundaries that you are absolutely not ready to cross. For example, you know that you will never agree to a threesome. It’s important to understand this in time to avoid pain and discomfort. Ideally, you should have a list of such boundaries, and your partner should know about them.
But if something doesn’t cause you immediate rejection, why not give it a try?
Suppose you’ve never been particularly interested in the doggy style position, but at the same time, it doesn’t raise any concerns for you. Then there’s a good chance you might like it. Don’t deprive yourself of the opportunity to find out.
If some position or scenario raises a lot of doubts, try to fantasize first. Or discuss with your partner how you will act, but don’t move from words to actions just yet. These methods will help clarify your feelings without unnecessary risk.
5. Pay attention to sensations during the process
To understand what you like, you need to pay attention to what is happening. It sounds quite obvious, but most people during sex are not particularly focused and only notice extremes — the most pleasant and the most painful.
At the same time, nuances of sensations get lost.
Next time, listen carefully to your impressions. For example, you and your partner decided to experiment with spanking. Pay attention to what exactly you like: the physical sensation of a slap on the skin or the process of "punishment." It seems like a small thing, but it will help you understand yourself better.
And don’t forget that some preferences may change over time. For example, under the influence of new experiences, depending on the place and partner. It is practically impossible to study yourself 100%. But that only makes it more interesting, as you always have the opportunity to learn something new about yourself.
