What the word cuckold means
Cuckolds have been derogatorily referred to since the Middle Ages as the husbands of unknowing horned men, who do not suspect that they are raising children from other men. The offensive word was invented in England, altering the name of a bird — the cuckoo, which is known for its habit of laying eggs in other birds' nests.
In our era, the ancient insult has acquired a new meaning. Cuckolding is when you gain sexual pleasure from your partner's infidelity. The cuckold man gets excited watching his woman — sex wife (from English sex wife) — make love to another man.
For a female cuckold, there is a separate term cuckquean, but in Russian feminine form has not yet gained widespread acceptance. It is important to understand that such a girl does not just tolerate her partner's infidelity but, on the contrary, encourages it and actively participates in selecting the mistress.
What cuckolds do
Cuckolding is not swinging, where a voluntary exchange of partners occurs. In this case, one of the couple (usually the man) does not participate in the sexual act but only observes it from the sidelines.
At the same time, a cuckold is not a voyeurs, who secretly watches the love games. He is, so to speak, the initiator and the main spectator. Everything happens only with his permission and approval.
Cuckolding scenarios can vary. Sometimes the husband is personally present during his wife's infidelity — with the consent of the third participant in the act. And vice versa. Other couples agree that the sex-wife or her male equivalent will send photos and texts from the "scene of action." But often cuckolds are satisfied with detailed stories from their partners about how it all went. The more details, the better.
Regardless of the implementation, "outside" connections are only possible with the consent of both partners and absolute trust between them. If you start secretly going on dates behind your partner's back or fall in love with someone else, then it is no longer cuckolding, but outright infidelity.
Why cuckolding can be appealing
Gathering material for the book Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How it Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life Tell Me What You Want, social psychologist Justin Lehmiller found that 79% of men and 62% of women are turned on by thoughts of open relationships. At the same time, 58% of surveyed guys and a third of girls admitted that they have erotic fantasies about "I am watching my partner make love to another person."
Seemingly, thoughts about infidelity should evoke negative emotions rather than a surge of sexual desire. But this is only at first glance. There are at least five factors that can turn infidelity into pleasure.
1. Biological scenario
In his book Insatiable Wives: Women Who Stray and the Men Who Love Them Insatiable Wives, clinical psychologist David J. Ley proposes the theory that male cuckolding is rooted in evolutionary mechanisms.
The spike in libido is a natural response to the threat that an attractive woman to you may conceive offspring with another man. The sexual system begins to work at full throttle, delivering powerful doses of testosterone. Passionate sex with the unfaithful partner, a powerful orgasm — and your sperm already takes over the genetic material of the rival. You are the victor in the race for procreation, and thus for immortality.
Even if you are using modern contraception methods and do not plan to have children in the near future, the scenario laid down tens of thousands of years ago still works flawlessly. Cuckold men, often without realizing it, use it to arouse themselves and gain incomparable pleasure.
2. Compersion
The pleasure from the infidelity of permanent partners may be associated with the inaccessible to many feeling of compersion Compersion: A Polyamorous Principle That Can Strengthen Any Relationship — the ability to feel euphoria from the fact that a loved one is happy with someone else. Compersion is the opposite of jealousy, and it is the foundation of all successful examples of polyamorous relationships.
3. Breaking taboos
The thought that your couple is breaking taboos — in this case, undermining the foundations of monogamous marriage — often serves as a trigger for libido. And what is forbidden always attracts and excites.
4. Inclination to BDSM
Cuckolding can be pleasurable for couples who practice BDSM. Men and women who enjoy a submissive role relish the feeling of being rejected. And if a partner additionally insults them during the infidelity, it can heighten emotions even more.
The main reward awaits cuckolds when, after all the humiliation experienced, the mistress or master nonetheless returns to the bedroom and condescends to have sex with the slave.
5. Sense of control and possession
For some cuckolds, the feeling of control excites them. More often this relates to males. The man generously "shares" his girlfriend, feeling not humiliation, but pride that he owns a treasure that rivals dream of acquiring. In this case, it is important for the sex-wife to report as detailed as possible on her experiences. And in no way should she fall in love with another, keeping in mind who her true master is.
Who is suited for cuckolding
If both partners sincerely accept the rules of the game, then, as studies show Cuckolding can be positive for some couples, study says , cuckolding can even improve the relationship. Some couples note that with the transition to conscious infidelity, they have started to trust each other more and can discuss literally everything in the world.
However, the authors of that same study warn: if you have sexual fantasies about open relationships, it does not mean that they should be realized in real life.
It is one thing to imagine that your loved one is having sex with someone other than you (knowing that this is not the case), and it's quite another if something like that happens in reality, even with your consent. There is a great risk that the feelings will not be pleasant. And finding a third participant who would agree to take on the role of a bystander is not that easy.
Unfortunately, many people idealize their sexual fantasies too much. And when they try to realize them, they are shocked by their unexpected reaction.
