Is it worth having sex with exes?

Why sex with exes is a good idea

1. It’s easy and comfortable

Sex with an ex-lover is a pleasant habit. You know each other well, are aware of all the "cracks" in each other, and surely won't feel the awkwardness that often arises during initial intimacy. Therefore, it is not surprising that more than half of recently broken-up couples engage in sexual relationships at least once Should You Pursue Sex With an Ex? | Psychology Today .

In general, if you want physical closeness, an ex-partner — with whom you have remained friends, naturally — is a reliable and predictable option.

2. It will help you cope with the pain

A breakup can be painful, even if you approached it consciously and by mutual consent. Sex with an ex-partner will help you believe that, despite the official separation, you still have warm and tender feelings for each other.

3. It will boost your self-esteem

Sex with an ex-partner is proof that, even after ending a relationship, you remain attractive and desirable.

4. It can help you get rid of resentment

Perhaps, before breaking up, you said quite a few harsh words to each other. You were frustrated that your partner didn't understand you or behaved inappropriately. Good sex can smooth out the unpleasant aftertaste.

5. It can become a wonderful final chord

Sex with an ex can also be a gratitude — for the time spent together, for love, for passion. A kind of beautiful goodbye that leaves room for warm friendships later on.

Why sex with exes is a bad idea

1. It can prolong the relationship you just ended

Surely you had serious reasons for breaking up. Well, those reasons didn't go anywhere. If you've finally decided to part ways, the best thing you can do is to try to get used to being apart. Sex, on the contrary, forms attachment.

If you continue intimate relations, it will be harder for you to "detach" from your partner. And likely, it will hurt more. Alas.

2. One of you may develop false hopes

Breakups rarely happen by mutual consent. More often than not, one partner makes the decision, and the other is forced to accept it.

For that second partner, sexual intimacy may give hope: what if, if we try hard enough, the relationship can be restored? It’s unlikely that this situation will lead to anything good.

3. You risk becoming enemies forever

In an attempt to regain former love, the hopeful partner may become a real stalker: bombarding with calls and messages in messengers, "accidentally" running into you on the street, engaging in exhausting confrontations. It's hard to predict what kind of resentful monster he will turn into when he realizes that his hopes were deceived.

If events begin to unfold in this way, you both will need to forget about the prospect of maintaining a warm, friendly connection.

4. It may prevent you from starting new relationships

Even if it seems to you that the tomatoes have completely wilted, and sex is just sex, psychologically you still maintain an attachment to your intimate partner. And this hinders establishing an attachment to someone else.

Sexual intimacy with an ex-partner prolongs the time during which you are emotionally unavailable for new relationships Should You Have Sex With an Ex? Here’s What Experts Have to Say .

5. It can ruin your new relationships

There’s often a charm in sex with an ex: you both know that it's just sex and don’t expect each other to achieve romantic milestones or prove love. With such a "safe haven," it will be hard for you to look for compromises with a new partner.

So should you have sex with exes?

The answer to this question is individual. For example, Reddit users are divided in their opinions Reddit, have you ever had sex with your ex, if so, did it change you or make you realize anything?, Why or why not? . Here are some of their comments:

• “Sex is just sex, nothing more. For 5 years I kept sleeping with my ex, even while she had a boyfriend.”
• “I had sex with all my exes except for one. It made me realize that I don’t miss my ex-girlfriends. I only miss sex with them. Essentially, it’s the reason we were together for so long.”
• “Honestly, it just got worse. I do not recommend it.”
• “I avoided her for years, even though she sometimes texted me. One night I was drunk and felt lonely. Then I got a message from her: ‘Hot bath?’ I fell for it. We hung out, spent the night at my place, and then she met some guy at a party we went to the next day. And that was it.”
• “This experience helped me realize that an ex should remain an ex.”

What to do if you decide to take the risk

To ensure that sex with an ex-partner doesn’t lead to disappointment, cause pain, or generally ruin life for both of you, keep in mind important safety rules.

1. Do not meet alone if you are drunk. In that state, you cannot think rationally and are likely to do or say something you will regret later.
2. Give up the idea of sleeping with an ex-partner if your answer to the question “Would you like to get back your previous relationship?” is anything other than a categorical “No.”
3. Remember why you broke up. Try to keep this in mind as much as possible.
4. Clearly communicate what you feel for your partner regarding the situation and in general. “I no longer love you and do not plan to rekindle the relationship. I just want sex, quickly and without problems,” — such a phrase sounds harsh, but effectively cools heated heads.
5. Use condoms! It’s been a while since your breakup, and it’s quite possible that your ex had other partners. And it’s far from certain that each of them presented a certificate of absence of STIs.
6. Immediately state that this is a one-time thing. In the morning you will part ways and possibly won’t see or hear from each other for weeks, months, or even years. It’s important to say this to ensure that neither partner has unfulfilled expectations.
7. Watch your words. Don’t promise to call or text if you don’t plan to continue the relationship. A much better and honest alternative is: “It was nice to meet you like this one last time.”