Why orgasm comes too quickly
The reasons can be different What causes premature ejaculation? / WebMD :
- Irregular sex. If arousal has built up, release may happen sooner than usual.
- Strong excitement from the partner.
- Individual characteristics. Some people require intense movements and a lot of time to reach orgasm. Others need only a few minutes and mild stimulation.
- Health problems What is premature ejaculation? / WebMD .
What to do to avoid unnecessary worry
Understand that there is no norm
Sometimes a man just thinks that orgasm comes too quickly. In reality, everything is fine.
One of the latest major studies showed M. D. Waldinger, P. Quinn, M. Dilleen, et al. A multinational population survey of intravaginal ejaculation latency time / Journal of Sexual Medicine that in different couples, the duration of sex—from penetration to male orgasm—varied from 30 seconds to 45 minutes. What norm can be spoken of here?
Dr. Justin Lehmiller suggests J. J. Lehmiller. Why the new diagnostic guidelines for premature ejaculation are a step backwards not to focus on time at all.
You shouldn't consider ejaculation premature solely based on the speed of reaching orgasm. Moreover, establishing a minimum norm for the duration of sex can cause concern for couples who are satisfied with their sex life, leading to problems.
Regarding premature ejaculation T. Bakare, R. A. Ghayda. Orgasmic Dysfunction / Encyclopedia of Reproduction , it is only worth discussing if sex lasts less than one minute, partners are not pleased, and this situation repeats regularly.
Don't overestimate orgasm
In modern sexual culture, orgasm plays a key role. It is expected as a mandatory element of the program, most often marking the end of sex. In reality, nothing stops you from continuing, using hands, lips, or sex toys.
Stop believing myths about sex
Sex is a constant test against mythical standards of a "real man". Such lists usually include a stone erection that lasts for hours, a penis size of XXL, and the ability to perform friction for at least an hour straight. All these things look good in porn, but in reality, they are not necessary and often even painful for partners.
Talk to your partner
The question is not only "how long to avoid climax?", but also "why?". If the goal is to bring pleasure to the woman, it is better to ask what she wants, what is lacking. Do long frictions bring pleasure to you and your partner, or do they only provoke chafing and fatigue? The main thing is that it is enjoyable for the participants.
In good sex, you don't have to achieve anything. Just relax and enjoy the process, regardless of whether there are orgasms or not.
Consult a doctor
Sometimes premature ejaculation may be the result of hormonal disruptions, inflammation, and other physiological problems that can be resolved with medicine. If you regularly climax in less than a minute, cannot hold back orgasm, and are unsatisfied with the quality of sex, then it's worth consulting a urologist.
What to do before sex
Try to masturbate longer
Many men try to reach orgasm as quickly as possible during masturbation (perhaps this habit has remained from adolescence when one had to rush not to be caught by their parents). But when you get used to finishing quickly, it spills over into sex.
To change the course of events, you need to delay the finale as much as possible. Think about how long you want to last with your partner, and try to masturbate for the same amount of time.
Temporarily give up porn
Pornography is a part of a healthy sex life, but many people don’t think about how they use it during masturbation. Porn hinders the feeling of connection with one’s body, as all attention is focused on the screen. As a result, it becomes hard to understand at which stage of the process you are at, and what level of arousal has been reached. And orgasm comes unexpectedly.
To learn to understand yourself, try to masturbate without porn.
Find your point of no return
When you strive for orgasm, you are likely not paying attention to what is happening in your body just before it. This is called the point of no return.
If you don’t learn to recognize the point of no return, orgasm will catch you off guard during sex with a partner.
Change the level of arousal during masturbation
If you are used to expecting quick results from masturbation, you likely bring yourself to orgasm in a linear way. And you probably do the same during sex.
To change the situation, sexologist Vanessa Marin suggests V. Marin. How men can last longer during sex use teasing techniques during masturbation.
Imagine that arousal can be rated on a scale from 1 to 10, where 10 is orgasm, and 1 is almost no arousal. Bring your arousal to 6, then drop to 3, rise to 7, drop to 5, reach 6 and 2. After that, again increase the arousal, now to 8. Keep changing the intensity.
It is not necessary to use this exact order; the main thing is to learn to control the process.
Do Kegel exercises
Kegel exercises will help strengthen the pelvic floor muscles, particularly the one that ensures more stable and prolonged erection.
Masturbate right before sex
Men are practically incapable of multiple orgasms, at least those that are accompanied by ejaculation. So boldly take advantage of this peculiarity of your body.
What to do during sex
Use condoms and lubricants
Even a regular condom can slow down orgasm. If you use an anal condom (they are usually tighter) or a prolonging one (which contains lidocaine), the effect will be more noticeable.
You can also add prolonged lubricant inside the condom. Just be sure that the selected lubricant is safe for latex.
Focus on the pleasure of your partner
Of course, you can think of something subjectively terrible: old ladies' panties, accidents, rotten eggs—or watch TV, or count in your head. But it is much more beneficial to fixate on, analyze, and remember your partner's reactions. This will distract you from your own orgasm and help you become a super lover.
Deep breathe
Slow, deep breathing helps you calm down, reduce anxiety, and slow down. This, in turn, allows you to gain control over your body and delay orgasm.
Forget about monotony
- Vary the levels of arousal just as you do during masturbation.
- Change the speed of movements. For example, after two fast frictions, do five slow ones. Try to maintain the rhythm as long as possible.
- Don’t hesitate to slow down if you feel that it is necessary.
- Change the depth and intensity of frictions.
Take breaks
Intense movements bring you closer to orgasm. When you feel that the arousal is too high, just stop stimulating the penis. During the pause, caress your partner with your hands and tongue.
Use fingers, tongue, and sex toys
Sex is not just about friction; for many practices, a penis is not necessary. You can also use other body resources: fingers, tongue, lips. Or bring in sex toys.
What not to do to delay orgasm
Worry
Anxiety only brings orgasm closer. To avoid a vicious circle, learn to manage your feelings, for example, with the help of meditation.
Use prolonging ointments and sprays
In a condom, the anesthetic is inside, and there is very little of it. With ointments and sprays, it's different. They can cause temporary loss of sensitivity, including for the partner. As a result, a woman may sustain an injury that she may not even notice at first. Furthermore, oily-based ointments damage condoms.
Use folk remedies
Some websites suggest rubbing the genitals with peppermint juice, eating currant leaves, and tying the penis with thread. Don’t do that. The effectiveness of these methods is not proven, but you can easily harm yourself.
Take medications without consulting a doctor
Self-medication is harmful. If you really want to try medications, consult a urologist or psychotherapist who specializes in sexual problems. A doctor can prescribe an antidepressant from the group of selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors. One of the effects of such drugs is delaying orgasm.
Drink
Firstly, alcohol can lead to a complete loss of erection. Secondly, alcohol, even if it helps once, will not eliminate the problem and may even add new ones.
Remember: sex should not turn into a torture where the main task is to endure and not to climax. The key is enjoyment. When sex is not limited to technical characteristics such as the length of intercourse, it becomes just as we all love it: creative, engaging, diverse.
