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Quick sex is often associated with tumultuous passion, but in reality, it often turns out to be just a way to quickly achieve orgasm, that is, a banal release. Completely different goals are pursued by slow intercourse, which has more and more supporters. What does it represent? Let's figure it out.
What is slow sex
Psychotherapist and expert in human sexuality Barnaby Barratt outlined three main characteristics of slow sex in the article “Sensuality, Sexuality and the Eroticism of Slowness”:
- Focus on the process. That is, attention to each stage of intimacy, rather than the desire to hastily reach the finish line.
- Orientation on pleasure. That is, concentration on the sensual perception of any touch, rather than the desire to relieve tension.
- Playfulness. That is, freely and unhurriedly following every call of the body, rather than turning sex into a clearly structured process carried out within a specific timeframe.
A similar understanding of intimacy exists in tantra — a spiritual practice that uses the body as a tool for knowledge.
Tantric sex implies a slow, gradual entry into contact with oneself and a partner, an awareness of oneself during this contact and the release of a powerful flow of sexual energy capable of influencing other areas of life.
It’s not surprising that a person from Western culture is more inclined to quick sex: our civilization was formed under the influence of Christianity, which practically demonized corporeality. Moreover, we are used to achieving goals and being efficient.
In a rapidly speeding world, we need to manage to achieve our quota of orgasms — there is simply no time for unhurried sex. And that is a pity.
What are the advantages of slow sex
1. Slow sex significantly increases sensitivity and enhances closeness between partners. Many sexologists agree with this. The thing is, by opening up to emotions during sexual contact, partners rid themselves of the need to “work for a result” (this is especially important for men).
Thus, sex ceases to be a factor of stress. It becomes a path to relaxation and a creative act. French psychoanalyst and sex researcher Alain Héril believes that such a practice can restore desire even in very long relationships.
2. Slow sex can be a method of self-development. By concentrating on their sensations, a person trains mindfulness, begins to understand themselves better and live more fully. These statements relate more to tantric practice.
Thus, the author of the book “The Heart of Tantric Sex: A Unique Guide to Love and Sexual Joy” Diana Richardson notes that sex in tantra is a way to touch one’s own essence. By practicing it, a person discovers the source of pleasure within themselves and can truly explore their partner without perceiving them as a machine for achieving orgasm.
3. Slow sex brings much more pleasure than quick sex. Those who practice this method of intimacy can master the technique of controlling their orgasm. It consists of maintaining a high aroused state for a long time, which ultimately ends in a full body orgasm and almost euphoria.
A similar experience from tantra is described in the book “In Praise of Slowness: How to Stop Hurrying and Start Living” by Canadian journalist Carl Honoré. According to him, in regular sex, a genital orgasm lasts only a few seconds.
Tantra, on the other hand, stretches ecstasy over time and intensifies it. Sexual energy is distributed throughout the body, and it literally convulses with pleasure.
Sounds impressive, doesn’t it? But how to achieve that? Here are a few tips.
How to practice slow sex
1. Prepare the environment
To unlock sensuality, the environment is essential: smells, colors, textures. You have at your disposal a bath, essential oils, scented candles, silk — basically everything that can enhance sensations. And, of course, take care of time. For slow sex, you should have plenty of it.
2. Start with visual contact
A gaze can be no less an exciting caress than a touch. Carefully explore your partner's body as if touching them with your eyes.
Many women have complexes about their figure. To overcome them, imagine that with each piece of clothing you remove, you are eliminating some complex or anxiety. Thus, by exposing your body, you will also rid yourself of fears.
3. Pay attention to breathing
American writer James N. Powell, who studied the culture of slow sex among Polynesian peoples, advises observing your own breathing and that of your partner. This way, you will feel the energy that connects all parts of your body and connects you with your partner.
Sexologist Val Sampson also claims that breathing exercises can significantly extend the duration of male orgasm. For this, while in a pre-orgasmic state, a man should breathe deeply and calmly and try to relax his muscles as much as possible. Then instead of the usual 7–10 seconds, pleasure can last as long as 30.
4. Explore all body parts
Slow sex is an opportunity to spend time on those areas that are usually ignored during sexual contact. Now you have the chance to discover something new about your elbows, palms, and ankles. Try a long erotic massage or prolonged caresses of a specific body part.
Be sure to pay attention to your sensations and share them with your partner.
Diana Richardson advises not to hold back in your reactions: if you feel embarrassment or absurdity — laugh; if you feel like crying — cry. Genuine emotions will only enhance closeness.
5. Practice prolonged intercourse
This advice pertains more to the active partner. They should enter the other very slowly (even millimeter by millimeter) and exit slowly. Try to freeze inside, feel the connection with your partner.
We are used to deriving pleasure from quick frictions. Slow sex allows you to feel pleasure from the very process of merging.
And a last clarification. Slow sex does not exclude the presence of quick love acts in your life. Sometimes releasing animal passion is just what you need.
Ultimately, it is better if partners jointly seek the most optimal pace. Just don’t rely on stereotypes: research The Pace of Sex: Individual preferences for the frequency of Faster vs. Slower sexual behavior. shows that men can prefer slow sex, while women — quick.
