Men dream of ideally mastering sexual techniques, while women want to have a perfect body. But problems in bed usually arise for other reasons.
Men's Mistakes
According to Watson (sexologist and family therapist), most men come to therapy to enhance their sexual skills. But the problem usually lies not in their mastery. The mistake lies in one or more of the points listed below.
1. Misinterpret the lack of female desire
A woman's attractiveness is immediately communicated to men by her body. Just the sight of an unfamiliar beauty or their own partner can provoke a partial erection. For women, it's different. Their arousal is connected to imagination and fantasy, so they need more time to get in the mood for sex.
So, it’s best not to take a lack of immediate desire from a partner to heart. It's better to take some time to prolong the seduction process.
2. Experience disappointment due to her slow arousal
This mistake is closely related to the previous one. Women gradually get in the mood for sex and arouse slowly. It's a matter of physiology, nothing more. But if a partner feels that a man is disappointed with her pace, her desire diminishes even further. Or may disappear altogether.
Solution: relax, take your time and enjoy every moment.
3. Transition too quickly to genitals
Many men prefer genital stimulation over everything else and think that women share their preference. Mistake! Physical arousal in women is not a signal to rush to the main event. On the contrary, premature genital stimulation can kill desire.
Solution: better to wait a bit longer while continuing to caress the entire body of the partner.
4. Focus on their erection
Men who care too much about their erection can destroy the feeling of intimacy during sex.
If they are focused on delaying ejaculation, the woman may feel isolated, forgotten. To soothe her, Watson advises men to stay connected, telling her of their desire.
If the erection, conversely, weakens, it can be a good opportunity to use this time for extra rounds of foreplay.
In case of rapid ejaculation, one can tell the partner that the reason lies in her incredible sexuality. And resort to oral sex. It is no worse than regular intercourse.
5. Stimulate only the vagina
The clitoral head is roughly equivalent to the head of the penis. It goes without saying that solely vaginal stimulation is not very effective? Yes, of course, there are exceptions. But more often than not, the clitoris is the center of a woman's sexual pleasure.
Women's Mistakes
Women who have problems in sex often attribute them to a lack of a perfect body or fantastic skills like those of porn stars. According to Lori Watson, all this has little to do with reality. Most likely, the reasons are related to the following mistakes.
1. Hint too subtly
Many women believe that men can read minds. So instead of directly expressing their desire or demonstrating it through action, they resort to a system of subtle hints understandable only to themselves.
Solution: forget about telepathy. Words and unambiguous touches are more effective.
2. Say little about their desires
Saying your preferences once may not be enough. An aroused man may simply forget all the nuances that you like (especially if they were mentioned in passing six months ago). Don’t be afraid to remind him of them. It's better than waiting, enduring, and being offended, thinking that he just doesn't want to please you.
3. Focus on the flaws of their body
Men derive pleasure simply from the presence of a real, naked, and attractive woman. Meanwhile, women at that moment ponder over the flaws of their own bodies. A flow of self-criticism distances women from the process, reduces desire, and makes sex dull and bland.
If you have this problem, try to distract yourself from the criticism by shifting your attention to bodily sensations. Try to listen to your breathing, feel the pleasure of touches. And think less.
4. Worry about doing everything right
To truly please a partner, one must enjoy themselves. Watson notes that in sex therapy, women often worry about how correctly they behave in bed. As a result, anxiety prevents them from relaxing and exploring their own sensations.
Solution: just ask the man what specifically and how he likes it. It's much better than wasting extra energy mastering a perfect, theoretical technique.
5. Touch lightly or hesitantly
Most men are excited by a woman’s confidence, including in touch. Women, on the other hand, often do it too tenderly — the way they like it themselves. Moreover, Watson notes, men often complain that their partners avoid touching their genitals or wait for a special invitation.
Her advice is to stop playing the modest girl. Kiss passionately, wrap tightly, and touch without hesitation. In general, prove your interest through action.
